Where There Is Guns There Is Me

Him

It wasnt attraction at first site.

I barely even noticed him

To tell you the truth I dont even know when my mini obsession started.

He was a tall dark skinned fellow
with thick neat locs  reaching his
shoulder, hands that were large
enough to wrap around my thighs.

He was only 28, 12 years older than me.
Sure that seemed like a huge age difference but I didnt care.
I just wanted his hands all over me,

Touching me

Squeezing me

Holding me

Sometimes i wondered if i really liked him or if it was only lust.

I could never stay  with a boy for longer than three weeks because I suffered from that confusion. I could never really differentiate between lust and like.  That was why I didnt have a boyfriend.

Though I don't show it I'm a spoilt child.
I was used to getting what I want from toys, to boys and if it wasn't  handed to me I would just take it.

I couldnt take him though.
he was special.

He was the closest friend to my older cousin, Joseph.

I had mad respect for him.

He was anything but a warm person. He was the definition of an explosive bomb.
One wrong move and that was it.
He played no games with his boys.

He was one of the most feared people from west side and that was why most of the members acted like they were walking on thin ice towards me.

Joseph and i didnt have the closest relationship and I never felt the need to fix that. We stayed in the same house but barely ever spoke. We had the relationship of two passer-bys on the sidewalk but he was very protective over his family.

If you asked him why he would always reply back to you that 'that was all he had'.

Whenever Dylan came over to watch football  I knew ofcourse there were others but I only ever saw him.

My eyes would land on his hair that my hands itched to touch then his lip that I longed to kiss then his eyes.

Normally I would make eye contact with a boy as long as possible silently reeling them in. That was how I mostly caught the attention of boy's  I wanted but with him it was different.

I was unable to look him in his eyes for too long.

I would feel faint and light headed it was almost as if he was draining my energy.

The fact that dylan never made sweet eyes towards me like the rest of Joseph's friends only enticed me more.

He was like that book with the cover bleached in temptation at the highest shelf that you could never reach.

The first time I actually talked to him was when he was in my way.

He sat on the doorstep  and I wanted to put something inside so like the nice child I am I said excuse me calmly but dylan was anything but calm he practically  threw himself out of the way and said sorry.

He seemed sweet but I was told that dylan was anything but.

He had a reputation far worse than joseph. Nobody ever told me what he did though. He was very quiet but seemed to analyse everyone's movement.

There was a time I saw his gun peeking out of his pants and I memorized every inch of that hard piece of steel.

I was mesmerized.

I was addicted to danger and dylan was walking oxy.

I tried forgetting that feeling of excitement .
I tried forgetting him but old habits die hard.

My mother always used to say honey
where there is cars there is he and where there is dolls there is she but like me no daughter could ever respond well mommy where there is guns there is me.