Sheepish Denial

Don't leave me... Betty... Please!

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

I awoke in sweat soaked sheets with a jump. Every night after damn night I dream of her. Last time I saw Betty, she had left to deliver hay for the sheep. But she didn't come back.

Where did she go?

Why did she leave me?

Does she no longer love me?

When did she decide?

No matter how hard I wished, she never came back. Instead, Betty haunts my dreams. Sometimes we go on picnics, other times we ride bikes and once we even braved bungee jumping. Each time feels more real than the last.

Stripping back my sheets like tape sticking to my body, I dangled my feet to the ground and sat up. I cringed once my feet contacted the floor boards, they were outrageously freezing. Finally, I rose from my bed to shower and dress with haste. Upon completing these tasks, I rushed to my Ute, disrespecting the need for food. I climbed in, slammed the door, belted up and started the ignition swiftly. The drive was quiet and humdrum; I felt more at peace when the bleats of my sheep sounded. Exiting the vehicle, that's exactly what I heard. The entirety of the herd whined for food and begged for cuddles. After taking in a long breath of the country, I initiated my duties. After refilling the water trough and laying some hay piles, it was time to relax with my only friends.

Ever since Betty's disappearance, no one has treated me the same. I lost everything when I lost Betty. The only comfort I receive is from the herd now. Because my head drives me insane, saturates me in depression and reminds me that Betty is never coming back, I've learnt not to trust myself and it's safer to be surrounded by distraction. To keep my mind busy, every day is spent with the sheep. For they will never abandon me, it's a comfort to have them.

I sat under the cool shade of a tree losing its red leaves and, after eating, the sheep trotted over to nuzzle down next to me. Patting each of their woolly coverings, I began to drown in fatigue that had finally caught up after sleepless nights. I only hoped to not dream at all...

"Come here!"

A familiar voice sweetly cried out.

I fixed my eyes to the figure, but my vision was glazed, "Betty...?"

Next, they danced over next to me and I could make out the light blonde as my wife. Without word, she grabbed my hand and pulled me next to a cliff. Pointing down, I looked over to see a black abyss reflected. I turned my head to take in Betty's cheerful appearance, yet her face was emotionlessly solemn.

"B-Betty, are you okay?"

Suddenly, her eyeballs liquefied and dripped down her face. I pulled back in disgust, but her grip was tight. Betty walked closer to the cliff until she was at the very edge.

In alarm and fear of my life, I warned her, "That's dangerous, Betty! Stop! You're going to kill both of us!" Despite my frantic shouting, she didn't budge. The strange thing was, even after treading over the ledge, she didn't fall. Betty walked across a thin layer of air, pulling me still. Assuming it was safe, I stopped resisting. I followed Betty to walk across, but my legs didn't touch any solid surface. I squeezed my eyes shut, ready to fall. But the sensation of free falling never came.

Suspiciously, I popped one lid open to peer around. There I was, hanging down from only Betty's hand. I looked up to my wife, confused as to how she could hold my weight.

But she dropped me.

GASP.

I jolted to consciousness, dream still vivid.

All the sheep surrounding were greatly startled and I apologised, "I'm sorry..." A few began to ease my pain by nestling close on my lap or shoulder. Looking skyward, I noticed night had fallen.

Had I really slept that long?

Hesitantly, I rose to my feet and left my blanket of safety. Where I sat hadn't been far from the car, making it easy to reach. I jumped into the car and left hurriedly. Without knowing the time, I felt a little lost. Upon reaching home, I noticed 5 or so cars parked on the road and a crowd waiting outside my door. I pulled into the driveway cautiously and stepped out, tensing at everyone's stares.

"Hey, what are you all doing here?" I questioned, slightly angered by the uninvited.

One of my friends stepped forward, "We're having an intervention. You've been in denial too long and you need to accept Betty's death." Honestly, I thought he was just being crazy, absolutely crazy to the point of hallucinating.

A woman, my neighbour, spoke this time, "It's true! I saw it all happen..." She looked down in dismay. And by this point I thought surely they're all crazy.

"You're wrong," I laughed in disbelief, "Betty left me, probably for another man, too." Each person looked at the other and back.

The same friend replied, "But, The day it happened we told you. We told you how she was rammed of that cliff..." At that moment my dream flooded back into my thoughts.

Was Betty possibly trying to tell me something even after death? No, no. That can't be possible because Betty only ran away. Nothing happened to her.

"...by your sheep."

Suddenly I felt my world crumble around me and my heart began to break. The one thing I had supposedly murdered my love. And when my love went, everything went. It's not possible the only ones who cared for me even after I broke down could be the cause. They couldn't be.

They shouldn't be...

Without my approval, tears fell like tiny crystals onto the cold, dry ground covered by leaves. I touched a hand to my cheek and it was wet. My old friend group revealed themselves from the cluster to group-hug me.

"It's going to be okay."

"It's not our fault."

"I'm sorry; we should've done something earlier."

And things alike were used to comfort me, but I could barely make out whose voice was whose for I had begun to sob and shout. I called Betty's name and cursed the sheep repeatedly until calmed and helped inside. Everyone was extremely supportive towards me and friendly, accepting me for me again. Not that they didn't before, though. But I still lost everything.

My home,

My heart,

My meaning,

My purpose,

My Betty.

Because home wasn't home without her, my heart wasn't whole without her, I had no meaning or purpose to continue and I need Betty to get through each minute of this life.

After fully listening to the complete story, my dream began to make some sort of sense. Well, I tried to interpret it, at least. Some parts made sense in a way, after hearing this version of the events...

"Betty was out on a power bike, hay loaded on the back for the sheep. She stopped a little too close to the cliff for my liking, but she was not dangerously close. Running for food, the entire herd began to ram with power against the bike. Betty hadn't seen them coming at all. It was hard to make out Betty's face from the distance, although her actions showed alarm, but she seemed to be trying to keep her cool. Less than a minute later, the bike began to topple over the side. I distinctively remember there was a moment of suspense, before the bike went, where Betty stopped her struggle and gave up. Like she realised it was too late and was able to accept that. She rolled and bumped down the cliff with the bike after that..."

That night, I lay in bed, just thinking of the past events. It was an awful lot to take in, but I handled it quite well after venting earlier. It seems, even after napping, that sleepless nights still hadn't been made up for and my lids closed themselves peacefully.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

The covers on my bed wreaked of and were soaked in sweat. I feel like this is a habit I would rather not keep. After my morning routine was accomplished, I set out to my sheep. Ever since the disappearance of my wife, they've been my only friends.

She probably left me for another man.