8 Letters© |JACHARY|

Falling

Loving you never was in the plan. It just happend. I wish it never happend. I just want to be the old Jack. The one with girlfriend. The straight Jack. Not the gay one. Not the one who's madly in love with his best friend. Oh god, just thinking about you makes my heart beat so fast. I wanna tell you how much you mean for me. You know what's funny. I already did. But you thought i mean it as friend. Can't you see that i'm falling , falling for you? I can't belive that i'm falling like this for you.  Zach i'm so scared. Scared of losing you. Scared that my family will hate me when i'll tell them i'm gay. Scared because i love you guys really much. Scared that you guys will stop being my friends. I love my job really much and i don't wanna lose it. Lose it because of stupid crush. I'm crying because  i'm falling so hard for you. It can't be true. No one can fall in love that fast. So why i'm i falling that fast.

And it's crazy the things i would do for us.  I know i would  do everything for you. Everything i'll see on your beautiful eyes. You know i would. I wish my feelings would 'round from love to lust.  Can't you see that i'm honest, and i want this.  I want tihs so bad even i know this will never happend. Zach why i'm feeling like this? Why i hate all of those feeling you making me feel? I want to tell my secret to someone because this is killing me. I need to talk about it with someone. It was you, everytime i was having problem i was talking to you because you're my best friend and this is what best friends do, but now i can't. I'll talk to Jonah this time. He's the oldest, he will know what to do. I'm just scared. How he'll react? Will he judge me? No! Jonah will never judge anyone. He's the kindness human being.

In my dreams, in my hopes, in my mind they remind me of you. I can't sleep because of you. Thanks i guess. I don't know what to do. Wish you had known my feelings, ain't that a waste?  I'm so in love with you, i want this to stop. I'm so nervous around you. I don't know how to act. I think it's will be the best when i'll act like nothing changed.  Yeah it will be the best. I have no idea why i act like i'm talking to you when you'll never see those letters. I think it makes me feel better. It makes me feel less weird even it actually making me more weird. I'm not saying being gay is weird, i'm just trying to say that being in love with your bandmate is weird. You can't tell them because he maybe will started to hate you and this will the ruin band. I can't do that to boys. I can't think just about me. You, boys and fans are like my family i don't wanna lose any of this. I want have it all. You may think it's selfish but this is how people are. Selfish.

They want have everything. When they see chance to have something more they have right now, they'll take it. They'll still want more. That's what makes people humans. I have a lot. I appricate it. I'm living my dream with my best friends. We all know there's so many things i want and i can't have them. Like you. I can't have you and i want you really much. People want things thy can't have and sometimes all they need is right in front of them. I need you. I never needed anything more than you. But you know what our song said. You gotta take the chance right in front of you. So i guess it's okay to want more but you must do something for it. I think this was pretty deep. I have no idea where this come from. I should probably go to sleep it's 2 am. Goodnight Zachy.