8 Letters© |JACHARY|

8 letters

The day i realised i have feelings for you was two weeks after Gabbie broke up with me.  I was heart broken, and you, as my best friend, was there for me. And you said things like she doesn't deserve me or something like this. You was trying to make me laught. You was so nice to me. You know me the best.  You know my worst, see me hurt but you don't judge. I was always saying things that i want girlfriend with your personality. But the truth is, i want you. And every minute i notice i love you more and more, not just like a best friend love. I fall for you. The scariest feeling i ever haved is loving you. At the first i was like i can't be gay. No i just can't be gay, i never found boys atractive. But dayum Zach you're so atractive. Every little thing on you. It makes me think if i ever loved Gabbie. And you know what? I didn't. I never loved her like i love you. I just loved the feeling of being in relationship. I was just trying to protect myself. Because i knew i can't have you.

I think Gabbie knew that. I think She knew this before i did. Because her last words,  when i asked why did she broke Up with me was, i'm doing it for you. She did this for me. I never deserved girl like her. I just hope she will find someone who can love her. Who will tell her how much he loves her every day. I said those words before but it was a lie. And She deserve to hear them thousand times. Why do i pull you closer than ask you for space? I don't know what to do. Zach should i tell you i love you?  If all it is it's eight letters why is it so hard to say? I can't stop thinking about you. When i close my eyes it's you there in mind. When i'm with you i feel complete. When your hand's in mine It's like I'm whole again, isn't that a sign?  i shouldn't think about you like this. You're my best friend. This is so wrong. The biggest problem here is the fact you're taken. You're in relationship for 4 months. I don't like your byofriend. It's not like i hate him because he can be with you and i can't. No,  it's because he's using you. That's how i feel abot him. I just don't know. I don't wanna judge him because he obviously keeps you happy and that's all i want. I want my bro to be happy.

Why am i doing this? Why am i writing you a letter? Because i can't tell anyone and it's killing me. I want to talk to someone but i'm scared. I know no one will hates me Because i'm gay but what if. There's nothing wrong being gay i know, it just something i thought that will never happend to me. This so hard to write. To hard to figure it out what i am, because i have no idea. Am i gay? Bisexual? Pansexual? I have no idea whats diferent between bi and pan. I just wanna be the old Jack. You are openly gay Zach. Help me, please.

SORRY IF IT SUCKS. ENGLISH IS NOT MY MOTHER TONGUE. AND NO I CAN'T MAKE IT IN MY LANGUAGE BECAUSE IT WILL SUCKS MORE. YOU KNOW, CAN'T PUT THE LYRIC IN THE STORY