Make Up Your Mind • Sean & Kaycee

5. Admission

Kaycee doesn’t know how long she stayed there in the stairwell, but her brain short-circuited at the sound of the slamming door. The room spun, and her lungs threatened to collapse on itself. She sat down on the steps and put her head between her knees, pleading with her heart to stop shattering.

Thankfully, aside from a few traitorous tears, she didn’t cry too hard. Not yet anyway. That would have been too hard to explain to everyone once she had to face the music.

After an eternity, she knew she couldn’t hide any longer.

With a final deep breath, she stepped out and rejoined the group backstage. To her relief, Sean was nowhere to be found. She didn’t have to worry about facing him immediately. It took everything she had to face their friends with a smile, to pretend as if her reality didn’t just erupt a few minutes ago.

How can the world still be spinning? How can everything be okay?

Sean only appeared a few minutes before showtime, when everyone huddled together for a pre-show prayer and pep talk. Kaycee braved one look at him, and immediately wished she didn’t. He looked…okay. He looked normal. He looked the same – like the boy who had her heart.

Did that all just happen in my head?

How can he be okay when he just ended us?

How can he breathe so easy while I’m here struggling with every breath?

“Hey.” Alex said, pulling the two of them aside. She noticed the safe distance Sean kept between them, far enough not to risk touching but close enough not to warrant suspicion. “You two good?”

“Yeah, it’s sorted.” Sean replied quickly, without a trace that he was lying.

“Great, great. I was worried there guys.” He sighed with relief. Alex pulled them both for a one arms hug. Kaycee overheard Sean chuckle on Alex’s shoulder, but she was too frozen to respond. Neither boys seemed to notice though. “You two are absolute magic. It would such a shame to lose that.”

When Alex let them go, Sean nodded and bolted for his assigned entry point on the other side of the stage.

Focus, Kaycee.

As the lights turned low, and the first notes of their opening number started to play, Kaycee breathed deep and pushed everything else to the back of her mind.

She visualized her heartbreak as a large black box that she carried to a dark corner of the backstage. It will still be there after the show. But for now, she had work to do.

Everything was moving quickly, one number after another. She didn’t have to cross paths with Sean much, which she was grateful for because she didn’t fully trust her self-control. Everything was too fresh. It was as if there was a bleeding gash across her chest. Some physical manifestation that he took a part of her away.

As much as she wanted to get it over with, she increasingly dreaded the last quarter of the show. Because there was one bullet she couldn’t avoid – their duet.

What if this is the last one?

The sickening thought occurred to her as she caught a glimpse of Sean on the other side of the stage, changing into his next outfit.

Then make it the best one.

Make it the one you remember the most.

Let it be the one you hold on to when it’s all said and done.

As Jade and Alex transitioned into the last phase of their dance, she felt a quiet presence to her, and a warm hand grasp hers. She didn’t have to look to know it was Sean.