I don't wanna lose you ~Janiel

Part 6

Hope and I sat there in the waiting room just wanting some kind of news whether it was good or bad I just wanted to know. Was he going to make it? Chances are pretty slim right about now truthfully.

"This is all my fault." I said "Daniel, no it's not." "Yes it is!" I shouted as I jumped out of the chair "I let him walk out that door. I let him get in that car. I let him drive away. If it weren't for me than he wouldn't be in this mess." I start to hyperventilate again. "And the last thing I said to him was I wish I never married you. I wish I'd never fucking said that!"

I sat back down in the chair, well more like dropped and put my hands over my eyes, clinching my jaw.

"Listen to me Daniel! This is not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. So stop saying it is!" I moved one of my hands and peek over at her. "Besides it's not like you can change what's already happened."

I know I can't, but that still doesn't make me feel any less guilty. This is my husband. I can't have my last memory of him be a bunch of doctors trying to revive him.

"Do you believe in miracles?" I asked. "Huh?" "Miracles. Do you believe they happen everyday?" She looked at me with an odd expression on her face. "Kinda." "Do you think Joey's gonna make it?" She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to for me to realize that it was a no. "His heart stopped." She said "That doesn't exactly make me want to believe in miracles." I said nothing. It seemed like I was mad but I wasn't. In a strange way I was happy. I was happy that she wasn't trying to fill my head with false hope, because after everything that had happened, I was having a hard time believing in it myself. We were still for a long time after that.

"Graceffa?" A nurse finally called out. I jumped out of my chair again and sprinted over to her. "Yes? I'm Joey's husband. Is he okay?" I asked in a panic. "We have him stabilized." She said. "The results from the M.I.T scan came back and from what we can see everything looks good." Oh thank God. I think to myself.

"So he's gonna live?" She put her hands in her pockets and looked down. She was trying her best not to make eye contact with me. "Well, there's no brain damage." She begins "But he's still unresponsive and after the stunt that just happened, we don't know what he his body is capable of. He could be fine one minute and stop breathing the next."

I could feel my heartbeat in my throat and my head started to pound. "Can I see him?" I asked softly. "Of course. He's down the hall to the left." I looked back at Hope. "Do you mind if I-" "Go ahead." She said. "I don't mind waiting out here." "Thank you."

I sprinted down the hall to his hospital room, reminding myself of all the amazing times I've had with him. It hurts me to see Joey with thrush let alone him being in unresponsive in the hospital.

I stood outside the door emotionally preparing myself for what I'd see. It felt similar to the first time I was going in to see him. Infact almost the same.

My shakey hand opened the door and tiptoed in. Joey was laying there just like the last time I saw him except this time he had a lot more wires and machines hooked up to him and he had an oxygen mask on going down his throat.

Oh I just want this to be over. He doesn't deserve to suffer. I just want him to wake up so I can tell him how sorry I am, and how much I care about him.

I could feel a little piece of me dying inside as I watched my sweet husband lay there unable to breathe on his own.

"Hey, sweetie." I whisper to him while my voice cracked. "I'm glad your okay. For a second I thought you were a goner." I guess, that's still kinda a possibility though. I thought to myself.

I sat in the chair right next to Joey's bed and quickly realized how chilly it was. I pulled the blankets over him some more so that he wouldn't get cold. He always had a thing about being cold and we was not a fan of it.

"Hopefully that's better." I smiled at him with a tear. I wanted nothing more than for him to wake up and say something. anything, I didn't care what, as long as he was alive.

"Joey, say something."