I don't wanna lose you ~Janiel

Part 8: The End

     May 30th, 2019. It has now been about a week since Joey's accident. Everyday my heart broke a little bit more. His condition had not been getting any better. Infact it was getting worse.

     His brain activity was slowing down slightly and his breathing had decreased.

    Hope and I were just sat there, hardly speaking a word to each other and waiting for the doctor to give us some more information on Joey.

    Every minute my eyes grew heavier as all I wanted was to get some sleep. But I couldn't they're was no way in hell I was taking my eyes off him for one second! At least not until the doctor gives us the clear, but even then I'd still be a bit hesitant.

      "You know your gonna have to sleep eventually." Hope said breaking the silence. I said nothing in response not even looking up at her. "Daniel?" "Wha?" I responded in a sleepy daze. "Look, I know this is hard-" "yeah." I interrupt. "You bet it is. Don't say you know when for the past week I've had to sit her and watch my husband slowly die. Do you have any idea how traumatizing that is?" I felt a stream of guilt go through my body as I realized how harsh I was being. "I'm sitting here with you aren't I?" I nod my head a bit in shame. "Now, I may not be married to Joey but believe me when I say that I love him just as much as you, and if I didn't I wouldn't be sitting here right now. This is scary I understand but we have to stay strong."

     "I'm sorry." I mumbled. "It's okay. I know I've said this like a million times but it seems like you need a reminder. Everything is going to be just fine." She placed her hand on my shoulder. Ha. Like I believe that. The last time I was sure everything was gonna be fine I came back to a room full of doctors screaming. "Thanks.." I said
   
     For the next hour I kept trying to wrap my brain around the fact that this could be it, this could actually be the last the time I'm physically with Joey in real life.

    "What are you thinking about?" Hope asked. "Nothing. Just daydreaming." "About?" "Nothing meaningful." I answered. "Ah. Look. Daniel...I know I said I'd stay here but, I'm really tired. I'm sorry, I just, I've been here for a week an-" "I understand." "Really?" She says with a sigh of relief. "Of course. You've been here way longer than you had to." "Thank you!" She says hugging me. "But if anything happens, please call me." "For sure." 

       She hugged me again and grabbed her things. She walked out the door but turned around in the doorway. "Hey." I look up at her. "Call me." She said softly. I nod at her with a fake smile. I didn't want her to leave. I needed her. She was the only one who was giving me faith. Joey was holding on for dear life and Hope was somehow convincing me that it wasn't, hopeless.

      "Well" I whispered. "I guess it's just you and me again, Joey." I looked at him placed my hand on his. "I miss you." I breathe out. "I miss you so much. I miss the way you laugh, I miss the way you smile, I miss the way you look at me when I come home from work, I miss everything about you." I get up from my chair and kiss his forehead. "I need you. Here...with me."

       I feel the urge to cry but I can't. I've shed all my tears till theres no more left.

     Where is the God damn doctor? I thought to myself, starting to get inpatient. The doctor had come in early that morning to check on Joey and he gave us some unpleasant news,  he told us that parts of his body were shutting down and that they were gonna run a few tests to see if they're was anything more they could do for him.  Hearing those words made every part of me go numb for a minute.

      My world was falling apart. I'm exhausted, Hope left and Joey has a 50/50 shot at survival. How did things go downhill so fast? This can't be real, can it? Please let this just all be a dream. I don't want this to be real. God if this is a dream I must be super high to imagine this.

      What if he does survive!? All I've been thinking about is what I'll do if he dies but what if he lives. Oh I'll never let him out of my sight if he lives. I'll never fight with him again. I'll make sure that wherever he goes I'm going with him.

   ...I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself a bit. After all they did just tell us that he wasn't doing, the best at the moment. I just want so badly to believe that he's going to wake up, that we'll have a future together. I want to but I can't, at one point or another I'm going to have to face reality and admit that his chances were slim. Ugh my thoughts were everywhere, I just wanted to know what's happening with Joey. Is he gonna live? is he gonna die? Someone just fucking tell me already!

      Minutes later my prayers were answered and the doctor walked in the room with a sad and disappointed expression on his face.

     I bolted out of my chair and stood up. "Is he gonna be alright?" I asked panicked. He sighed and walked closer to Joey's bed.

     "Mr. Preda." He begins. "As you very well know your husband's condition is very, very serious." "Yes?" I said with worrisome in my voice. Where was he going with this? I thought. Nowhere good most likely.

      "Well, I'm sorry but, there's nothing more we can do for him." My heart dropped and I felt a lump in my throat. "Wha...what do you mean?" I thought things couldn't get any worse than they were, but what he said next will forever be engraved in my conscience. "I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to make a difficult decision...Do you want to pull the plug?" What?! Of course not! No! who would ever want to do that! "No!" I exclaimed angrily. "Mr. Preda." He says again. "If you don't, Joey will go on suffering way longer than he has to. And in all honesty we're looking at about another week before his body fully shuts down." Tears roll down my face as I make a decision that will haunt me for the rest of my life. "Well then...I guess I have no other choice...I'm sorry Joey." I whispered though my tears. "You made the right decision, Mr. Preda." God, It sure didn't feel like it.

      The Doctor called in three other nurses to assist him as they unhooked him from all the machines.

    "Joey." I grasp though tears " I'm sorry. I can't let you suffer anymore. I love you. I love you so much." I grip his hand and hold it tight. "...and that is why I have to let you go."

     I closed my eyes as a River of tears flows from them. My head is spinning as I hear the monitors flatline. I'm gripping Joey's hand tighter than ever before. Everything rushing through my head, "good bye, Joey." I mutter under my breath. This was it. Then suddenly, I open my eyes to the sound of my alarm.

     I'm in my bedroom? Wait. "Joey!" I shouted turnimg over and patting the bed. Joey is nowhere in sight. I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of deja vu when I hear my phone ring. I look over at the night stand and see my phone sitting there ringing. I was hesitant for a second but finally answered it. "Hello?" I answered.

     The whole thing was exactly like the night of the accident what is going on? Where's Joey? I had a million questions But In the back of my head I had only one...Did I really lose him?