Snapshots

Letter to my unborn child pt 1

Dear my future child,

I've been thinking about you a lot recently. I know I'm not ready for you now, but when you get here, I hope the idea of clutching my own little alien to my chest will be less frightening. I found out I was pregnant with you today, and a new world has been opened up for me. I don't care whether you are a boy or a girl; I plan on having plenty of both. If you are healthy, that would be great, but more than anything I want you to be happy. I want you to be able to experience the joy of having a loud, crowded but happy home. Sometimes, I wonder what you will look like and act like; if you will take after me or your father.

You will probably be short because I'm short. I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not. Never apologize about who you are. It's something that I'm still learning myself. There will be many people who try to shame you because of your height, your body size, your color. No one else's opinion about those things matters because someone will always have a problem with one of them. Live your life for you; not for other people. That includes me. My momma's requirement for me was that I try my hardest at everything I do, and that is the only thing I expect out of you.

I hope that we will have a close relationship. I want you to know that you can come to me about anything. I have so many fears for you, and you aren't even born yet. I know this will get worse as you get older. It scares me to know that I will be sending you out into a world where one in three women and one in six men are sexually assaulted; where people of color make up 30% of the population but 60% of the prison system; where you are three times more likely to be shot by the police. It scares me, and I haven't even met you yet.

I would like to think that none of this would happen to you, but I know that what I hope might not come true. As someone who has been sexually harassed and never spoke of it to my parents, I want you to feel comfortable coming to me about things like that. I would hate for you to feel like you could never come to me about things like that. I would hope that those statistics would be lower by the time you come into this world, but, call me a pessimist, I don't think it will be. I hope I am proven wrong, but if I'm not, I want you to be a change to the world. Don't become a statistic, and don't make others one either. Treat everyone like the kings and queens they are.

My last piece of advice would be to try your best to not hold grudges. The guy who sexually harassed me went to college with me . I saw him around campus and he smiled at me when he saw me. Maybe he didn't remember what he did, but I didn't let that bother me. I smiled back. I learned that holding grudges hurts you more than it hurts them. Maybe that's something you will have to learn yourself; I just hope that in learning it, you don't let that hate consume you.

All of my love:

Your mother, Josephine

~Momma Debs