Please don't blame...

I can explain

Wow, okay. So if anyone who is reading this, scratching their head, and worrying about my mental state and how it kinda sorta sounds like I want to commit suicide, I have two things to say to you.

One, don't worry about it. I don't have the means or motivation to commit suicide at the moment.

And, two, that doesn't mean I don't want to.

However I won't kill myself.

I won't break like that.

No matter how disappointed in me everyone is, I will not break.

I also decided I am not returning to college. I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions about what to do with my life and if I decide not to go to college then I won't go to college.

I want to do something artistic and interesting with my life and fucking college won't get me there.

I am not going to attend four more stressful and suicidal thought provoking years of school just to go into debt and find that no one in my field is hiring just to make my shitty family happy.

I'd rather die.

I'd sooner die.

My family is mean at best and the biggest worst bunch of liars at worst. Let me explain...
For my whole life they told me I had to go to college if I wanted to be successful.

When they put me in college, they failed to be able to explain why its so important besides "so you won't work at (insert minimum wage job) for the rest of your life."

First of all, that is such flawed thinking and also complete bullshit.

So many people didn't go to college and turned out fine.

I think that the public education system is the reason so many people think this way, specifically in the United States. (I live in a small shit hole town in Pennsylvania and have never known anything else.)

I can also link several videos with solid proof that college is a scam.

Maybe if it wasn't a scam I would go. Or not.