Please don't blame...

Starting college! Again...

Hey, guys. I know I said I wouldn't be writing for a while but its been 6 days and I have a huge announcement. I'M GOING TO COLLEGE! Again... GODDAMN I haven't told this story, have I?

So last year I started at a community college in fall of 2018. By November, I dropped out, deciding I wasn't mentally ready and that I would go next year, and then I starting associating the CC I went to as "my personal hell."

(I can explain.)

Imagine this...

For seven whole years, you're at a school where you're loved and accepted and you know every one and the teachers understand and actually make an effort to help you and every thing is wonderful and its a private school and you don't even have to pay for it because your district sent you and almost everyone is kind and when they're not theres a counselor down the hallway...

And then you're pulled from all of it and you and your friends barely talk anymore and they expect you to visit and stay in touch and then you don't get your drivers license until well after the first school year without you there ends AND you're forced to go from that and pushed kicking and screaming into a college where you know no one and no one will ever accept you and everyone is a bitch...

Yeah. That's the theatrical version of what I went through.

No one else understood. I was the fucking target in English class because I was excited to fucking be there. That was my first fucking class and the rest only went down hill. What was my major? Film. What was my original major? Nursing. Do I want to do either fucking thing? No.

I want to be a veterinary technician because I am better than anmals than I am with people.

Does my personal hell have any of that? nope. No one would help me. No one vouched for me. Every one thought I was retarded. Their words not mine. I wasn't retarded. I was fucking scared. I was troubled. I was every negative feeling I've ever felt about anything ever embodied into one insecure, stressed little shit that no one liked, listened to, or gave a shit about.

I'll be at a better college, with nicer people and better experiences and an actual counselor and a nurses office and every thing. And they have dorms for every different major. I'll be in the vet tech dorm. I went to an info session and met other really nice people and most of the admissions staff and it was one of the greatest experiences ever.

I can't wait to go there. I am so excited!

For the first time in forever, I can to to college without fearing for my life!

For the first time in forever, I don't want to end my life!

Oh oh or!

For the first time in forever, my life is in my control!

For the first time in forever, I finally found whats in my soul!

My desire to help animals may sound crazy, and I know I'm taking a chance!

But for thr first time in forever, at least I've taken that chance!!!

(How'd ya like the frozen parody? Extra points if you read that in Anna's voice.)

You've reached the end of this bitter and sweet (not bittersweet) part of this book. My story is just beginning.