I'll Change For You

The Morning Of Shame

As my eyes open from the deep sleep, all the memories from the previous night come rushing back and I cant help touch my lips as I think about the kiss. "thankgod I won't be seeing him again" I say softly to myself. As I make my way out of the room and into the kitchen mom and dad sit I awkward silence. Ughh I can't with these two, I quickly grab me some breakfast and leave the kitchen. "good morning parents" I mumble sarcastically as I walk out. I quickly get dressed in my usual dark clothing, black ripped jeans and my signature baggy hoodie
I didnt bother to wash my hair this morning so it's in a messy bun. I leave the house and as always I made sure to bang the door, I don't have a reason for that, its just how I express my anger when leaving the house, I hop in my car, and play my fav Billie eilish songs. As I drive I cant help but think of the drive I had with Lyle, I don't get why i keep thinking of him. He errertated the crap ot of thats probably why. I honk loudly in front of Jordan's house, he know if he takes longer that 3 minutes I will leave him at home.

I spot the idiot running out, his laces are loose, I can't help but laugh the idiot so afraid of me leaving him behind. He gets in the car, he is breathing heavily. "good morning" he says out of breath. I don't greet him back, I never do. But he always makes sure to greet me. Our drive is quiet as always until he asks what I had been hoping he forgot about since he was drunk. "how was the drive with Lyle" he has smirk on his pale muscular face that I wanna slap off. "it was just like ours usually are we don't speak, I like it that way you know or other wise I will like just not be fetching you anymore". He just laughs at my rudeness like always. Im glad he doesn't ask more questions not that I would answer. We finally arrive at school, the place I dread coming to, as I park Jordan jumps out, he loves this place, I honestly don't know why, I guess he thrives on being popular. I sit in the car for a while before I get out. I walk into school and oh dear lord my heart literally stops as I take in the sight of Jordan's lips mushed against the she devil herself, im disgusted. She looks towards me and smirks at me knowing this is what I dreaded this whole time, she knows I try my best to stay away from her, and now she has the only person I have in my life right now, although Im not a fan of Jordan forns, he is the only person I talk to, or interact with. I quickly look away, not because im intimidated in anyway by her smirk, but because im utterly disgusted by the sight, I make my way into the classroom. And sit my head Down on the desk, it's a habit I don't like school or the people in it, even though my head stays on the desk in literally every class I get good grades, I don't. Know why I geuss im naturally smart and I do my fare share of studying at home. I hear the class getting full and then I hear the teacher come in everyone greets but I never bother to, and the teachers can't give me shit about it because they know I have anger issues and they are quite intimidated by me, I enjoy the fact that people are afraid of me."goodmorning class today we are having a student from washington estate college
To give yall some monday motivation
OH dear lord this is the time I put my earphones in, the usual Monday morning motivation, our school invites people to speak about thier tuff lives and where their hardwork got them, most of these people are talking a bunch of shit."goodmorning class". Shit! It can't be I say to myself. the familiar thick voice echoes the room , I cant stop myself and look to see its him and it is I spot his face those damn Grey blue eyes, his eyes meet mine, amd he doesnt bother to drop his gaze , his an idiot the class picks up on it and turned thier heads to me, he quickly removes his gaze from me and clears his throat, " I am Lyle Scott" wow this damn voice is so attractive, even his surname is tolerable. He explain his story and for the first time in class my head is up and my earphones are out and Im full on listening to his story and it sounds more real than any other Monday morning motivation"i never listened never worked, and I skipped school almost everyday."he keeps looking at me as he speaks , I know im looking at him, but his infront of the class and speaking I should be looking at him." I thrived on popularity, like many of you do, I was failing all my classes senior year, I wasn't allowed to do sports because of this, I couldn't get accepted at any colleges my life was falling apart and then ontop of it all my mom fell sick at this time, I felt like I was a nothing and I've ruined my life ". this story Is true can tell he looks sincere im very good by telling the difference between real and fake its quite easy since everyone is fake. Oh wait here's the motivational" but". but it wasn't I made it in life, always the same thing."and I did, my life was ruined because of me."wow this is a shock he is literally the first person to not do the 'but'.
" but you know what I didn't have some miricale happen like im sure you here alot , my mom died, and this hit me rock bottom me so to avoid the hurt I studied so damn Hard and got unbelievably good marks but because of how bad I did previously I was not able to get into a good college but I got into a good enough local one known as washington estate "I have a stable job and im studying to be a" spycolagist "it's not what I wanted to do to be honest I wanted to be a professional football player. But because not putting in effort and because of me neglecting my education, and basing my life on popularity throwing the biggest parties getting high and drunk every weekend I had to settle for less, don't get me wrong Im happy with what im doing now, but i didnt get what i truly wanted, so you guys can take that as a life lesson, and maybe i did help some of you today, but then again im only two years older you guys so what do i know, enjoy the rest of your day "." thank you mr Scott" even though, the class teacher has started to speak im not even taking note of what his saying, me and Lyle stare at each other until he leaves. I was trying so hard not to look at him but I just couldn't. "his fucking hot" jessica wispers to me. She a sweet girl but i dont befriend her. I rolled my eyes at her and put my earphones back in.

the rest of the day flies by as I hoped it would . As I walk to my car I take in the sight of Jordan leaning against my car whith Carly draping him. Okay what the actual fuck, im going to kill him, this is it, "what the fuck get that whore off my car". "hey don't call her that". Did he just speak back to me. "oh yeah says virgin Mary" the she devil just had to open her mouth. "keep your mouth shut Carly". "yeah atleast someone wants to kiss this mouth, have you even kissed someone yet" she says laughing. Wow jordan was so quick to defend but can't even open his mouth to defend me while his girlfriends speaks about my sexuality out loud. "you know what Jordan, take a lift with your whore of a girlfriend." he doesn't even say anything I get in the car and speed off.

I decide to stop by star bucks on my way, I really need a strong coffee right now. I quickly got out of my car and into the starbucks, the place was quite empty, surving in my favour. I stood in the short queue, there were only three people infront of me. As i stood behind the elderly lady my mind started drifting off to last night. Last night i shared my first kiss with a complete stranger, a stranger who made me feels all kinds of unfamiliar feelings which i for one was not very fond of. Then all of a sudden this stranger, freaking lyle scott appears at my school. I dont even know what to make of all of this, maybe its just some weird coincidence, yep, thats definitely what it is. "next", "hello". The barristas agitated voice breaks me out of the ramble going on in my my mind "oh, sorry". She then rolls her eyes at me as i walk towards her. Okay what a bitch. "can i get a frappucino please". I ask the bitch barrista. The blue eyed bitch, simply gave me my reciept and change without saying angthing. I sit down on the nearest chair, to wait for my order which shouldnt take too long considering how little people there is in here . As i sit, i cant help but look at the rude barrsita, why was she even so pissed. Just because i didnt hear her when i was rambling in my mind. Mind rambling is so unlike me. Especially over a boy "eww". I should just forget about stupid lyle scott. "beautiful stupid lyle scott" my subconcius adds, and i mentally slap her for that, urgh cassidy get a grip and stop being such a girly girl. "order 239".thats me. I quickly get my frapuccino and leave the star bucks.

As i pull up in my drive way i notice a notice a tall male figure leaning against a pillar infront of ny house . As i get closer i knew exactly who it was, Jordan. As i climbed out of my car jordan lifted himself from his leaning position "hey cass". I dont bother to greet him back and walk straight pass him towards the door. "hold on okay". I stop facing the door. "look im sorry, i should of defended you today, you my friend , even though you a bitch to me most of the time you my friend and we've been friends way longer than whatever this with carly is so please just forgive me cassidy". I turn around to face jordan. His pale face appears somewhat pleading, "i forgive you" i answer him plain and simply. "wait forreal?" jordans facial expression is hillarious, he looks so shocked. Am i really that bad. I mean he didnt do something so bad that its unforgivable. Plus i have kind of always been a bitch to him so i guess it isn't gonna be such a big deal to forgive him, even though kissing my enemy on my car isnt the best. "yeah forreal" i say still holding a straight face. Jordan looks more calm. Its a good thing because if his face would stayed that shocked any longer i wouldnt be able to keep a straight face. He awkwarly rocked on his feet one hand in the pocket and one reached around rubbing the back of his neck, "okay, i guess i will go now then". "yeah bye". Jordans turns around to leave and so do i as i put my keys into the door i stop myself dead in my tracks. "uhm so you want a lift home", jordan stops and turned around with the same hilarious facial expression he had on his face a few moments ago. This time i cant help but laugh. "damn i must realy be a bitch, if any small act of kindess, which is not even that extreme its just commen courtesy you know". Jordan gives me the smirk that sweeps every other girl off there feet. "common courtesy is usually not your thing cass". I roll my eyes at that "urgh shut up before i change my mind." and she is back "jordan laughs a little. I dropped him off , the drive went per usual us in silence. When i got home dad was asleep on the couch and mom was in the room. This is most probably due to the tiff they had. I take a quick shower put on my swets and a old t - shirt and climb into my oh so comfortable sheets. I closed my eyes and my mind started realing with thoughts, thoughts which was most of Lyle. And just like that i fell asleep.