My Nightingale

Drowning

Chapter 1

Maddie's POV

It was all just a blur to me from that moment on as I stayed firmly planted staring down at the letters engraved in the stone. There's not a word in the dictionary to describe the amount of excruciating pain I felt waking up with my insides churning every single morning after Demi had spent that night in my bed beside me weeping. I couldn't help her or me for that matter. It was a timeless world I was living in now, well not even really living more like dying... Slowly. I'd went mute just like Demi had shut down and Dallas, well she stood right beside me emotionless. I turned into her and she wrapped her arms securely around me only making me miss the hugs my mother used to give me. I dug my nails into my own flesh as the memories all came like flashes through my mind. Every one of them from the moment I learned to say momma till the day she got shot.

~Flashback~

"Today is about me and you." She bent down and bopping me on the nose before she picked me up, carrying me to the car. "What about dem-dem?" I pointed back to to he house as Demi's saddened face waved back. Dianne set me in my car seat and I giggled as she cursed under her breath attempting to buckle me in. She finally did and got into the car and began driving. "How about down ice-cream?"

~End of flashback~

I felt a tug. Why do I always take the things most precious to me for granted? It was barely a memory of my mother but it hit so close to my heart. Every single stupid flashback that haunted me at night. I wanted to remember her but it hurt. My needs came with sacrifices that needed to be made. I sacrificed my words. Demi, her smile. It wasn't the same in our house. It never would be.

We arrived home only because Marissa drug Eddie into the car. Demi had her hands over my eyes but I seen everything the way he held onto her grave as if it was her. He was more broken and bruised than I thought I'd ever see him. I always thought he was strong but now I see his soft side, the one that is trying so hard to be a father to me and be there but I always end up comforting him as he cries into me. Demi stood in the doorway and Dallas pulled her back gently, everything was silent. If I was deaf I wouldn't have missed anything in this house. Eddie entered and instantly sought out his medicine, alcohol. Luckily he hadn't become abusive, yet. Demi turned around and shook her head at the beer in his hands. "Eddie, Maddie is right there." She mumbled and I wiped away a tear. "Who cares anymore?!" He yelled shocking us all. "I don't give a damn and you better be happy I'm still here I am nothing anymore!" He yelled and stepped up to Demi she clinched her fists up and Dallas ripped her away from the intensifying situation. He calmed and knelt down in front of me. "Look baby, I'm sorry I really am but I need space." Dallas was obviously prevoked and let Demi go. "Your still a father goddammit so act like one, can't you see she needs you but you neglect her!" Dallas yelled, I'd never expect her to yell at my father. "Just leave." He grumbled. "Take Maddie with you." Demi shook her head leading me upstairs. She closed the door behind her and sat on the bed beside me. "I know that this is all hard and-" she paused and sniffed before continuing. "-I wished you'd talk to me, that's all I'd ever want is to hear your voice again." With that she got up and left. I looked down disappointed in myself only because I had failed everyone around me.

She's gone, it's all on you.

Your the one that should be 6 feet under.

coward, couldn't even give up your life for her.

I didn't bother paying attention to the tears. Why is it always me? Everything's always my fault. The voices continued chanting over and over how selfish I was for letting this happen. I clutched onto my ears and curled up on my bed clenching my jaw as I cried into my pillow. It was pointless, and I thought two years ago when Marissa saved me that I would actually get better. What was I thinking? This whole stupid thing has been useless, it never worked, Demi never actually saved me because the only person that can save me is me and I failed to do that. I lost myself and stumbled into the bathroom falling to the floor and hitting my head on the counter. Dizzily I watched the ceiling turn making me sick and want to throw up but I fell into the dark.

~Flashback~

I ran into the living room tripping and falling flat on my Face I rolled over as the pain ran up through my body and hit my nerves, tears pricked my vision and I cried out. "Mommy!" I rocked back and forth crying and my mom ran into the living room kneeling down. "What's the matter baby?" She asked gently. "I ran and hit my face." She smiled and brung me into her arms, it was all I needed to cause a feeling relief. I memorized her smell as she lifted me up onto the couch peppering me with kisses I laughed dand giggled beneath her and she pulled back laughing with me.

~End of flashback~

My position was the exact place I was left at. Confused I sat up and cringed at the pain running down my spine. Maybe Dianna was home and could help me. I got up looking around, where was I? What the fuck? I walked out of the bathroom that led into a new bedroom, it was all my childhood furniture but rearranged, not even the walls were the same. "Mom." I called throughout the house. I entered a hall and looked around some of this seemed vaguely familiar but nothing registered I kept wondering around until I found what I recognized as the living room. "Mom? Mooomm." I called and groped along the wall to the kitchen. It was the curvy figure wiping away tears that caught my sight. "Mom?" She turned around and it hit me, this was Demi. "Maddie what are you calling her name for she's never coming back!" The yelling caught me off guard and I leaned into the wall scared for myself. "A-what are you talking about?" She shook her head. "Maddie she has been dead you need to stop." Tears and rage was all I seen behind her eyes hidden far beneath her skin. "No, no she's not." Demi set her glass down with a slam. "Maddie, please stop doing this it's over and walking around here calling her name isn't going to bring her back!" I sunk back and the air filled with silence. Demi's sobs echoed through the empty house and I couldn't help but let the tears spill over my cheek and into my shirt. It hit me all at once like a damn semi ran me over. All at once the pain and numbness of a loved one dying hit me. It hurt worse the second time. "Demi, I sorry, I-I fell and hit my head." She didn't even look up she pushed past me and ran up to her room slamming the door. Leaving me wondering about how I was still above the water and not drowning yet.

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Surprise, surprise. I'm lucky I didn't drown my computer with tears while writing this. Something big is going down soon.

What do you think is going to Happen?

Stay strong

~Hannah