Regrets||✓✓

17.1

I haven't been at home for a while. Ma kicked me out. And Pa just stood there. Watching. Not doing anything.

Why?

I kind of messed up.

Big time.

Okay, you might be wondering, what did Naija do to deserve such cruel punishment?

I flirted with her boss.

I came home with red cropped hair.

She saw my tattoos.

The one straw that broke the camel's back?

Finding out about Kathleen Bates.

I had never seen her more angry in my life.

Let's go back, to before my major screw up.

∆

Like I did, when I was thirteen, I wore too much make-up. Against my ma's wishes. I started to steal from her and Pa to buy more when one product finished. She accused me of stealing from her but I'd always deny it and call her names. Although Pa was the simple, easy going parent, even he decided that I was going too far. I felt hurt and betrayed. He always took my side; why would he side with Ma now?

The following week, following my 17th birthday, I was careless enough to come downstairs with a singlet. Liberty was quiet; she'd seen me naked almost everyday but I made her swear she wouldn't tell anyone. The moment I walked past Ma into the kitchen she screamed my name and I cussed at her.

"You having tattoos now, Naija? Huh? You gone and done it now! I knew you was possessed!"

"Oh, screw you and your stupid religion up your fucking ass! Leave me alone!"

"Don't ever talk to your mother like that, Naija, you hear me?" I looked at Pa, who was looking very angry. I exhaled deeply and folded my hands across my chest.

"I'm sorry."

"That's better. Now, I'm sure your ma's just," he paused, making eye contact with her, then looking back at me, "surprised that you had tattoos without letting us know. Isn't that right, Zoeysha?" She opened her mouth to protest, but Pa said sternly, "Isn't that right, Zoeysha?" She sighed and nodded. Then he looked back at me. "When did you get your tattoo, Naija?"

"Last year," I said, feeling very angry but coming out calm. "On my birthday." Ma let out a soundless gasp and started shouting at me again. I licked my lips and walked out of both of them. I ignored them when they called my name and walked out the door, hailing a cab to Gold's house.

Like always, she was home alone. I walked into the house like I was mine and found her in her kitchen, making a snack. The crazy girl wore nothing but a bra and thongs, with a cute pink apron that stopped mid-thigh. She stood with her back to me and she obviously hadn't heard me come in. I turned her around and smashed my lips unto hers.

She widened her eyes but closed them soon after and kissed me back. Only when I felt calm did I pull back. We stood there, panting and catching our breaths. "I didn't hear you come in," she panted. I nodded, and sat on their kitchen table. "What happened?"

"I need a smoke first," I replied, swinging my feet back and forth. She dipped her hand in her apron and brought out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

"I was taking a smoke myself before but I got hungry," she said as I lighted the cigarette. I took in a huge load and sighed as the smoke escaped my nostrils and mouth. I started to tell her what had happened. By the time I finished, I had finished my fourth cigarette.