18. 4

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I'm happy with my life in the University. School might be tough, but I'm enjoying it, anyway.

And with Toby, my boyfriend.

Funny, isn't it? This bad girl could finally settle down with someone. Well, I'm not bad anymore, and ever since I saw the Light, my past is behind me. And I've started a new life. With my new boyfriend.

Toby and I bumped into each other the second week of school. And yes, it was the cliche bump-into-each-other-and-stare-into-each-other's-eyes kind of thing. I'd knocked over my books and accidentally spilled my cup of coffee on his white polo shirt. I was late to class that day, and had to be dressing on the way. It was during this I had bumped into someone and all I could think about was the large deep brown coffee stain on his shirt.

"I am so so sorry..." I couldn't trust myself to say anymore without bursting into tears of frustration.

"It's okay. It's just a stain, no biggie." It was then I raised my head to look at him and my jaw almost dropped. I was taken aback by the handsomeness of the young man in front of me, with the curliest afro and beautiful honey brown eyes. I opened my mouth and shut it again. Then I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

"At least let me do something about it. I feel awful."

He smiled. "How about coffee? At the coffee shop beside Hailey Hall? Around three pm, later today?" He wasn't flirting with me. He said it with all honesty. I nodded like an idiot; a terribly awkward idiot, slid beside him and walked away.

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

We talked over coffee and agreed to meet again after that. And it was date after date after date until I summoned all courage and asked him to be my boyfriend. He was shocked at first, but eased up and smiled. "I would love to be your boyfriend, Naija." And then we shared our first kiss since we started dating. He met Gold once or twice, but she never said a word to him. She kept shooting daggers at me with her eyes, which I ignored. I refuse to feel guilty for doing the right thing.

And so Toby and I have been dating for two months and a half. He doesn't know anything about my past, and it kills me because he tells me everything. But he's better off not knowing. He would be disgusted with me, I could just tell. Because he tells me how much he hates the girls on campus who drink, smoke, have tattoos and piercings and random hook-ups. We've never been... Intimate so he hasn't seen my tattoos. I'm scared to even tell him. He should understand because he's my boyfriend, right?

As I think of these things I often lose myself and I zone out. Especially when I'm with Toby.

It was on one of these days my fear caught up to me. We were at the open field where students hung out after classes or had picnics or held concerts. We were talking, hand in hand, smiles and butterflies when a deep bass voice called my boyfriend's name. We turned at the same time and I felt cold all of a sudden. The owner of the voice ran up to us and hugged Tony, causing him to let go of my hand. My hand lay limp by my side. They talked like bros until our eyes met and he became quiet. Toby didn't realize the awkward silence and the hard stares we were sending each other.

"I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Naija. Naija, this is my step brother, Jay."

Jay.

Step brother.

He tugged on my hand. "Naija?" I couldn't breathe. I was screaming inside and I just wanted to vanish on the spot. Toby looked between us. "Do you guys know each other?" He sounded puzzled.

Jay spoke first, raising his head without breaking eye contact. "Oh yeah, we know each other." He slowly moved his gaze from me to Toby. "Your girlfriend, huh?" He scoffed and gave a sadistic smile. "Okay, bro. I'll see you later. Call me."

Jay took two steps back, took one last look at me, turned around and walked away.

"Naija? What's going on? How do you two know each other?"

I swallowed, still looking at his retreating figure. I loved Toby with everything. I loved the way he made me happy and God, I loved this boy. I burst into tears, hunched over and sobbed. Oh how was I going to tell Toby that I had fucked his step brother numerous times three years ago, and left him a coma? Just how?

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces on the spot the moment Toby made me look into his eyes.

"Naija? What's going on?"

Like it couldn't get worse, it started to rain.

*****

Why am I crying?

Oh well.

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