Memory Loss

Chapter 4

"Right that’s the last time we have any of your friends round again!”  The sound of David’s chair scraping against the floor cut right through Lydia.  He gave her a death glare as he stood and walked away from her.  She sighed as she picked up their plates and practically threw them into the sink.  The sound of plates hitting each other echoed throughout the flat, Lydia followed after David and found him sitting on the sofa watching the football.

     “It’s not my fault you’ve treated my friends like shit, just like you do me.”  David glared up at Lydia, she took a step back from him as he stood.  His stare cut like a knife through her, it was one of the things she was most scared of.  His stare and the looks he gave her did nothing, it was what came afterwards.  She felt the hit before she saw it, she watched his arm settle by his side again as she held onto her face.  It stung, like always.  Every time was the same pain, perhaps it had even got easier.  She had learnt to shut herself off from it, she didn’t feel any pain anymore.  Physically, emotionally or mentally.  Her life had completely become about existing, just getting through each day, hoping she didn’t piss off David.  Sometimes she faltered. 

     “Don’t you dare speak to me like that Lydia, you know what happens when you do.  I have been nothing but nice to your friends, it’s not my fault they are a bunch of interfering twats.  I don’t want you seeing them anymore.”  Lydia looked at David like he was crazy, why wouldn’t she see them anymore, they were her friends.  

     “I mean it, if I find out you’ve seen them I’ll get so bloody angry and you’ll really regret it.  I don’t want them interfering in our lives and that means you don’t see them.  I don’t care what you tell them, tell them you hate them for all I care, but I am no longer permitting you to see them.  Do you understand that?”  She looked at him, his face was red with anger, and he looked like he could explode at any moment.  She had experienced that before.  She had been witness to one of his explosions, it wasn’t pretty, and she didn’t want to be on the receiving end of something like that again.  She had since promised she would never make him that angry again.  

     “Lydia, I said do you understand that?”  She reluctantly nodded, she agreed with him.  He looked satisfied, he was smug with himself.  He had yet again won.

     “Lydia… Lydia are you ok?”  Gary could see Lydia had zoned out again, he noticed when he heard the crash of her fork hitting her plate as she dropped it.  She shook her head as she closed her eyes.  She looked back up at Gary and smiled.  She nodded in answer to him.  Yeah she was ok, she was with Gary now, not with David.  She was definitely ok.  She had gotten away from him, she had got out of the cycle.  

     She no longer had to suffer the pain of being with David, she no longer had to suffer at the hands and words of him.  When she was with David, she dreaded waking up each day knowing she was with him and knowing he had so much control over her life.  Now each day she woke she felt happier and more content, knowing she was not only with Gary, but at the fact that she had her life back.  She had her own life again, she had friends again and she was in a better relationship.  She no longer had to live in fear, she no longer had to live her life the way someone else wanted.  She felt free and that was exhilarating.

* * *

     “So did you have a good day?”  Gary asked Lydia as they sat on his bed together.  They had been talking for a while, it had been a while because Lydia had to write everything she wanted to say, down onto paper.  She nodded in answer to Gary’s question, as she couldn’t really be bothered to write anymore.  Her hand was aching and it just frustrated her knowing she wasn’t able to speak.  Gary chuckled at her and rubbed his hand over her arm, he had been sat with his arm around her for some time and she liked it.  It made her feel safe, comfortable and secure.  “Is that all I’m gonna get from you?”  Lydia just shrugged.  “You all right, you seem a bit annoyed.”  She rolled her eyes as she picked up her pen and paper.