Lost my will so many times now.
Don't you dare say it's for show.
I break down every day.
Waking up is comparable to a fucking nightmare.
Dull and grey, never fine or okay.
Learned how it was back when I was ten.
I lost myself way back when.
And that's when I starting this doubting.
Was too afraid to admit I was constantly hurting.
What was it worth, I started breaking.
Then I discovered self hating.
I had dangerous thoughts in the making.
That's when I realized I was blind.
Nothing was ever "just" in my mind.
Oblivious and naive.
Disgusting and obnoxious I believe.
Oh and they've told me I am.
It's predictable.
Not unthinkable.
Or anywhere near unpredictable.
A hard to swallow pill.
I lost my free will.
My mind is sick I think I'm ill.
I loathe myself.
I am insufferable.
Inexcusable.
Don't need their help talking or thinking.
I decided already.
That I need to stop seeking.
I mean that's why I stopped speaking
