To Find Love: Romanogers One-Shots

Rules Are Made for Odd Reasons

Summary: Some of the rules SHIELD has have funny origin stories, but you'll be hard pressed to find out what they are. It's a good thing SHIELD is the best spy agency in the world and can hide almost anything. Sometimes, though, it's good to recount how some rules came about.

Or the 5 times Steve and Natasha are the reason a new rule is made at SHIELD and the one time it's Nick Fury's fault.

A/N: The +1 at the end has a minor Captain Marvel spoiler.

1. SHIELD Recruit Rule #267: The bringing of live pets into SHIELD headquarters is prohibited no matter how "very friendly" or "not yours" they are.

Steve was pretty sure Natasha was insane. They'd barely survived the blast of the building they'd just flattened and Natasha was worried about a small garter snake she'd almost stepped on in her haste to escape. She'd picked it up without hesitation and carried it to safety with her away from the explosion. It was wrapped tightly around her fingers and was only about 30 centimetres long. Unlike them, the snake was completely uninjured.

"We can't leave it here," Natasha protested, holding the snake close to her body, but far enough away from where Steve was wrapping a burn on her arm that it wasn't in the way.

"Nat, it's a snake," Steve said, tying off the bandage and sitting back on his heels. "It can survive in the wild."

"It's a baby!" she exclaimed, thrusting the small snake towards Steve as if that would prove her point. Steve recoiled and glared at her. He'd already made it clear he wasn't a fan of snakes and she knew it. "I'll take him to the shelter to find a good home. He can't stay here with a burning building nearby; it's too dangerous."

"Fine," Steve agreed. "But you absolutely cannot let it loose in the quinjet on the way back."

"Deal," Natasha replied. She turned away from Steve and got the quinjet ready to take off. Once it was in the air, she plugged in SHIELD headquarters's coordinates and set the jet to autopilot. She lifted her hand with the snake so she could look at the small creature closer and smiled. "Don't worry," she told it. "You'll have a good home when we get back to New York."

* * *

They were halfway through their debrief with Fury before anything went wrong. Natasha had tucked the snake in the pocket of her SHIELD sweatshirt so she didn't have to worry about Fury seeing her holding it. With the warmth from her body, it had quickly fallen asleep and she didn't worry about it. At least, she didn't until she noticed Steve tense up and shy away from her slightly. Fury gave Steve a strange look but continued talking. When he looked away, Steve motioned frantically towards Natasha's lap where the snake had crawled.

"...I assume?" Fury asked, looking at Natasha pointedly. She barely heard him in her haste to stuff the snake (gently) back into her pocket.

"Of course," Natasha answered automatically. It wasn't until a few seconds later when she realised what she'd just said. "I mean no."

"What is it? Yes or no?" Fury asked. Natasha felt the snake leave her pocket again and fought the urge to look down at it.

"No," she replied firmly. Fury nodded skeptically then turned to Steve. Natasha reached around her lap for the snake, trying not to draw attention to herself, but couldn't find it. When she looked down at her lap, the snake was nowhere to be seen. She cursed quietly, but both Steve and Fury noticed.

"Something the matter, Agent Romanoff?" Fury asked.

"No," she replied smoothly. Fury didn't look convinced in the slightest, but she didn't have time to worry about that. She could see the snake slithering across his office towards the door. "You know what, I'm going to go to the bathroom," she announced. She didn't wait for permission as she hastily got up and followed the snake through the door. Unfortunately, the carpeting allowed the snake to blend in and it took her a second to spot it on the ground. She lunged forward, but it skittered out of her reach and further down the hall. Growling in annoyance, she got off the ground and followed it. Natasha lunged for the snake again, barely managing to grab it before it could disappear.