Hidden In The Shadows

8. Complete and utter lonelines

Returning to school that day was the most frightful experience of my life. It was frightening that the kidnapping had happened on my way back from school and now I was returning there like a lamb to slaughter. Most literally.

I had also not had the pleasure of seeing Howl since that one fateful day and was looking forward to meeting again maybe because in the deepest part of my dark heart I slightly liked his playing. It felt sort of comforting.

Striding through those iron-plated gates, I walked to the entrance of the building my lesson was in when in the far corner of my eye I spotted a yellow tape hanging in all its infamous glory.
"Please no" I whispered to myself walking forward to examine what I thought I saw, but could've easily been hallucinating.

My brain lay numb for a few moments fully absorbing the sight playing out before me. There it was. A corpse of a student mangled and lying crooked on the floor. Stab wounds surrounded the jugular vein and around the heart rupturing their body and painting crimson on their clothes. I couldn't make out the face of the victim they were covered with blood coming out of their open mouth and white eyes which had rolled back to the back of their head.

A familiar face I knew from high school ran into the canteen where the body was lying and starting screaming with tear marks carving into her cheeks
"PLEASE THIS MUST BE A MISTAKE!"
I nudged her instigating her to carry on and elaborate on what she was about to say
"You mean you don't recognise her?"
"What? The dead person?"
"Yes. You don't know who that is?"
"Why would I?"
"Because you're here"
"No I just came to see what was happening. Should I know this person?"
"Yes you should."
"Why?"
She looked at me hesitant for a second
"It's Cindy."

-•-•-•-•-
The day was gloomy with clouds hanging low almost as if the weather infiltrated my mind twisting it to conform to the rest of nature. I was tired, lonesome and sick. Walking into high school with a scowl painted on my face until a cheerful fairy attacked me with a hug.
"EMIII" Cindy screeched
"Hello to you too Cindy"
"Emi isn't it a wonderful day? The clouds need cheering up and well, so do you and that's why I'm here."
"To cheer me up? No thanks."
"Oh hey ho Emi you can't be grumpy all day."
"I can. The world is gloomy and so I-"
"One day Em I'll show you that the world isn't as dark as it seems. It's all in that little head of yours."

Pointing upwards at the sun beginning to appear from behind the clouds she continued
"Look, the gloominess is beginning to disappear. You should cheer up too."
"I'm ill so no."
"You might not think anyone cares but other people see you and wonder whether you are okay."
"I didn't ask for them to do that."
"But they do it anyway because they really do care."
"I told you I'm just ill."
"Of course" She nodded in slight agreement, but with a twinkle in her eyes
"There's only a certain number of times you can use that excuse" she said pointing to the newly bruised part of my face I tried so hard to cover.

"Drop it" I say slightly surprised that she managed to spot me out
"Are you okay?"
"I said leave it. Go hang with your positive friends or worship the head girl like you usually do."
"I don't want to. I want to stay and talk to you."
"Why me? I wouldn't want to hang around with myself so why do you?"
"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them."
-•-•-•-•-

She was gone. Although I convinced myself I stopped caring for her after she stopped talking to me, I never would have wished anything this extreme to happen to her. The girl next to me continued to speak
"I hear it's the work of 'The Unknown Terror'."

Drops of liquid began to form in my eyes and run down my flushed cheeks. A breath I didn't know I was holding was released and replaced with pure and utter hatred.
"I don't fucking care who's work it is." I start, the anger boiling up inside me
"Why are you swearing at me?"
"She's dead" I whisper-shout "she's really dead." My voice coming out no louder than a whisper.

Tears threaten to flood my visage and my knees begin to collapse as I squeeze my eyes, hoping and praying that this action would wipe this sight from my memory. It is not enough however and all of a sudden my body collapses and I breakdown when it hits me.

I cry ragged and uneven sobs uncontrollably reaching in through the tape to touch her disfigured face hiccuping her name through the cries. My hysterical screams, tears and hiccups flood over me all at once just at the thought and sight of the flame that brought the light to me: extinguished.

I grab at my chest in an attempt to make the pain disappear, like ripping open the skin and pulling out my heart was the only way I could cure my despair.

"Cindy. Cindy please let this be a joke." When she didn't reply my voice started to raise
"Cin GET UP! I will not have everybody watch me crying over you. I hate you for leaving me. I hate you so much. You hear that Cindy I HATE YOU!"
I began to sing having no control of what my mind was conjuring up.
My mind began to whir and everything around me became an upside down blur.

"Cindy." I whispered "Ciiindyy where are you?" My voice echoing in my mind and around me reflecting that of a child's high pitched voice.
"CinCin come back to me NOW! Maybe I'll forgive you. I hate you for making me come here! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME!"

My tears were still falling, anger now building up again as well as an unusual nauseous feeling overwhelming my brain. "How will I conquer the world without you?" I said unstably. All of a sudden vomit forced itself out of my mouth and all over the floor (or glass void as I was seeing) around me and a familiar feeling overcame me.

Complete and utter loneliness.