ᴴᴼᴾᴱᴸᴱˢˢ//ˢʰᵒʷʰᵒ💫💔

Messy life.🔕[1]

Shownu pov

That feeling when you just feel frustrated. You can't do anything about it. It just hurts. You know that if you kill yourself then life carries on. So I won't kill myself. But what is the meaning of life? I wake up and do the same thing every freaking day. Like a machine. What is the purpose of living? I'm changing my mind. I'm ending it. I don't want to live like a machine. I want people to understand that there is nothing to live for. Wake up and do the same thing, you got to be kidding me. And the thing that can cure me is love. I heard them say.

What is love? Explain love to me? You can't, right? It's because there is nothing that's called love. Not for me. People are like "I was depressed and I found my other half, my depression got cured" are you crazy? How? Explain.

I want to feel good like others. I want to feel good. I want to love. But I can't have them. I'm the unlucky person alive. I want them. I'm getting greedy. Why others and not me? Why? What can I do? Why do they have families, love, happiness, house, money, food? Everything they can wish for. Why not me? What happened to me? Say to me? Because I really don't know. I feel lost in this life. In this society. In this disgusting world.

My body hurts from working. I called myself sick last week and the boss asked me to come. He needs workers and I need money so it's a win-win. And there is just one reason why I come to this company. It's because I have been working here for the past years. And the boss knows me the best. I don't know how we got so close but his decision is crystal clear.

By that, I mean that he makes situations that will make my life easier. For example, calling me for work to see new environments. We often go camping with our staff because sometimes you need to relax. That's his motto. And of course to know each other better. That's what I hate to do the most. He will probably set me up with the most annoying human aka Minhyuk. He knows even well which humans I don't like the most.

That's why I listen to this boss and respect him. He knows about the lost me. The me that I'm trying to find. I'm trying to find the meaning of life itself. But I haven't seen it in the past years since I started working. I will obviously observe.

That's one of his mottoes too. He lives only on rules, meaningless rules. It's cute though. Only kids do that. I put my headphones and started to go through my music. Depending on my mood right now. I feel lighter after thinking actually. So "No shadow" by JunK of 2PM. I love this groups music. I slept on the train.

What do you feel about the first chapter?🥰 I hope you enjoy during the whole book. If you are reading until here press the vote Star and leave a like. ❤️❤️ I would appreciate it a lot. 👍🏽🎀