Love Through The Ages

Three

"We were put on this earth to love them for as long as we live...not as long as they live."

 --Alan Pedersen

"Merci beaucoup, Cécile." I told the young maid and took a sip of the wine looking at the dying fire in the grate too tired to even ask for more wood. I placed a hand on my swollen belly and thought about the three previous times I've been in this exact predicament but those were happier times, times when I looked forward to being a mother. This time I dreaded it. I dreaded the pain of giving birth, the pain of seeing my other babies in this new little one's face and most of all I dreaded the overwhelming agony of heartbreak I knew I would feel when she died as all my other children have.

I carefully got up unable to sit still as the housekeeper, Mrs. Bennett advised me to when I came home this afternoon with swollen feet and went over to look out the window with a deep sigh. I raised the wine glass up to my lips stopping as a sudden sharp pain caused me to gasp and stumbled forward to grip the window's ledge. I took a deep breath as the pain passed looking down at my still growing bump and placed my hand against where the baby has settled unsure what that pain was. I closed my eyes to say a wordless prayer to whatever god whom is listening to watch over my unborn child only to feel the pain return and the glass in my hand fell to the floor with a crash. I gasped as I realized that I have felt this pain before, three times to be exact, and knew that these labor pains are nearly two months too early.

"Milady?" Cécile asked timidly entering the drawing room and I turned to look at her one hand still gripping the window's ledge in pain.

"Get your mother and send for his lordship." I told the girl in French and stumbled toward the chair I was in moments ago to hold on to its back taking deep breaths as the girl runs from the room to do as I said. I felt liquid run down my inner thigh signifying that my water has broken and I groaned in pain desperately wishing that I hadn't dreaded this birth so much. Maybe if I had agreed with Lachlan's statement that this child could be a fresh start for us, for our family, I wouldn't be giving birth too early and I would be more prepared both in mentality and in a literal sense.

"Milady, is it time?" Mrs. Bennett asked coming in from the kitchens and wiped her hands on her apron before gently placing a hand on my back as she looks to her eldest daughter. "Cécile, send Maris after the midwife and to get his lord."

"Qui, Mama." Cécile replied and ran back to the kitchens shouting for her younger brother to do as she said.

"It's too early..." I groaned out as another pain ran through me and fought back a sob wanting nothing more than to have Lachlan here to keep me calm.

"Don't you fret about that, milady...everything will be just fine." Mrs. Bennett said in a calming tone as she rubbed my back and took my hand. "Let's get you upstairs and out of these uncomfortable layers."

I nodded at her request and let her lead me toward the stairs listening to her soothing voice try to encourage me as I took the stairs at a very slow pace. I stopped for the third time to grip the handrail with a cry of pain and listened to her tell her daughter to fetch some hot water and cloths. After what felt like an eternity Mrs. Bennett finally managed to get me to my bedchambers and ordered Cécile to help me undress when she came in with the clean cloth while she went to collect the water from the kitchens. I gripped the back of Lachlan's usual chair while the girl unlaced the corset from behind me carefully helping me slip it off as well as my hoop skirt, shoes and stockings asking if I would like my hair down. I nodded to her question and sighed in the slight relief in my discomfort as she pulls out the many pins she put in my hair this morning when I was getting ready.