Sorry for the emotion in this one.If you don't want that, then go to the next chapter.If you're okay with this, then continue on dear patron.
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Prelude to the storm
I heard the banging before I could hear anything else.Before I could feel anything at all.
It's over.My mind echoed.There's nothing I can do.
Bang.
I thought that my life would be okay.That I'd be able to survive.But now, it didn't even seem like a life worth living for.Because even after the earthquake,magnified by millions and millions of an unchangeable number, I was still living in the aftershocks.
Bang...Breathe in...Bang.
Life just wouldn't cut me a break.It wouldn't stop until it completely and utterly destroyed every.Single.Thing.I was less than putty in its hands, and it felt like it wasn't my life to live.As far as I was concerned, I had no choices left to make that would allow me to live a life that, even if it was filled with nothing more than depression and woe, I could actually survive in.With everything that has happened, my own sadness would drive me to the brink of insanity.And this, this microscopic refuge that I had had, was destroyed too.This earthquake wouldn't stop, would never stop. My destruction was inevitable.
Bang.
I stopped for a second to catch my breath, and I had intended to wipe sweat from my brow, but instead I got a handful of the thick, sticky, red fluid that was spouting from a gash in my forehead.I was bleeding, there was no doubt about that.My shoulder was out of its socket.I knew that i was seriously injuring myself, but I didn't stop too long to reassess the damage.
Bang.
I was intent, tragically pursuing my own destruction.If it wanted to kill me I'd let it.To others, it would look like I was doing this with no good reason.And I hated that, how people would just take a glance at you, one single fu**ing glance, and assume that you were just insane, with no reason to justify your insanity.They'd automatically write you off as just another sob story gone wrong, that you were just some sort of hell-bound rackateer.Just one wayward thought was all it took.They would think that you were in worse condition on the outside than on the inside, or that you were just ill in both areas, but, in reality, you were just a labryinth of thought and will.That, there was such an unescapable darkness inside of you that would be beyond their very comprehension.
Bang.Bang.Bang.My anger and suicidal actions intensified at this point.Bang.Bang.Bang.
I was seriously injuring myself, and I knew that.However, I also knew that I should be feeling pain and screaming in intense agony.
But I didn't.In fact, it felt good.
I breathed in deeply, my chest heaving and my lungs burning with pure, white pain that I was immune to.My body was being pushed beyond its limit, but I wouldn't give in to something I couldn't feel.That was my rule.I wanted, no, needed to destroy myself. I was on the brink of extinction.There was a fire, bright and burning inside of me, pushing me with such a ferocity that it made my very muscles shake in anticipation.I inched back, and for a second there was only silence.Then I heard footsteps, several people, rushing to reach me.My ears perked up and strained to listen to the sound of their feet thudding against the ground through my rapid-fire heartbeat.I heard it loud and clear, yet they were still far-off.
I closed my eyes, and all I saw was a ledge to jump off of, a rope with which to end this life of mine. My body was condescending with what I was about to present myself with.It was like the calm before a storm.
Then i rammed into the wall with all I had, no, with what my body had left.I, myself, had nothing left at all.My eyes were still closed, yet, even when I opened them, the darkness still engulfed me.
Flashback.
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