Now it all comes down to my family not talking to me and me not having anyone to talk to.I felt
all alone like there was no one there for me because he couldn't even be there for me during the
hard times. I didn't know that this new start would be so difficult. I never knew that I wouldn't
be able to know what to think or how to feel. It came to a point I didn't even care about the child
I was caring. I was so lost in someone that was truly my first love to the point that i couldn't see
that they didn't love me back. I was so lost n a fantasy that i wanted to come true so bad to the
point i didn't even know who i was anymore. Times just got harder and harder i had no family i
lost my job and no place of my own to stay. I had to depend on other people to get me where i
needed to go. I gave up on God. When i know that as long as i didn't give up on God he wasn't
going to give up on my. Like the song says,"DON'T GIVE UP ON GOD BECAUSE HE WON'T GIVE UP
ON YOU. I grew up in the church and knew it was true but i gave everything up for someone who
didn't give a fuck about me. I honestly had to see and believe that sometimes you have to go
through the hard times to get to the good and great times. I had to really leave him and find
myself or who i thought i was because no one ever knows who they truly are. I was great on my
own for a while. I had to let him know that he didn't need to get it twisted anymore because i
would show him the real savage in me. Lets be honest he needed me more than i needed him he
had to get his life together before i would ever come back completely. I had to learn that he was
unhappy with the relationship with me. So i let him know that he didn't have to worry about me
or his child anymore and that hurt him more than anything else could. He's first words where,"
Are you really going to take my son away from me". I told him that he is either going to be daddy
all the time or none of the time because i don't mind being mamma and daddy because he was
never going to go without. He was like you are not taking my one and only son away form me. He
is my first child you must be crazy out of your mind if you think you are going to take him away
from me. I told him he not even here yet and you can't even be there for me so i know you are
not going to be there for him and i can't have someone running in and out of his life. I told him
you can even take me to court when the baby gets here and trust me you are not going to win
because i will not stop until i know my little boy is safe and has the best life. He said i thought
you wanted to go back into the military and i told him i am going but you will not have your child
because i don't want him around a bunch of different women plus i need him to learn the good
thing not the bad. I want my son to know that his word is his bond and if he is a man that can
not keep his word then he is nothing because his word is everything. Also the my son should
treat a young women with the up most respect because if you wouldn't do it or say it to your
mother than you should not say it to her. These times where the hardest for me because my son
knew his daddy's touch but with him not being around he was acting different. He didn't want
to eat or move around or do anything for that matter until he realized what his daddy was
saying. Talking about he wasn't sure if he was his and he can't wait until he gets here to find out
the truth. The crazy thing about it all he started sleeping,eating,and hurting more since i got
pregnant. He caught all of the pregnancy symptoms and it was funny for me but he hated it.
Even now to this day he had them but the times are even harder because now i have moved to
Tifton, Ga. He keeps saying i'm coming up there to see y'all but I've been up here for two months
and he still hasn't been up here to see us. These are the HARD TIMES I am facing and don't know
how to handle it all.
