The Boy I Admire From Afar

Chapter 17

Recap I jumped on my feet and ran, I pushed Jide on the floor as I ran past him to the ladies toilet.
I tried to calm down my breathing and raised up my shirt to stop the excessive bleeding, I was in the middle of it when some one barged in and guessed who it was, yh you guessed right Jide and the next thing he said made me almost break down in tears
"You self harm"!! ........

New chapter

The hours between 12pm and 6am have the funny habit of making you feel like you are either on top of the world or under it and right now am feeling under the world. Since the life changing occurrence that changed my life I guess I can say have been two faced. I have been pretending this past couple of years. I act like all is fine when I'm with my friends but really it's not, I make silly unreasonable jokes and laugh at stupid little things just to hide the fact that I cry my self to sleep at night, I hang out with my friends even when I don't want to just to convince my self that I'm not lonely when I know how miserable I am, I act like I care just so maybe someday somebody will also care about me enough to actually find out how I pretend to be fine even when I'm not, now somebody finding out that it's all an act seems more than I can handle. I wanted someone to see that I am more then I pretend to be but I don't know if I want that someone to be Jide, I don't know if I want the person who actually realize that I am damage to be the guy I'm head over heels in love with. Finally I said it, the words have been pretending I don't feel, the feelings have been denying my self of feeling for the past months. I guess that was what triggered my tears because before I knew it I was a sobbing mess all over again .I remember his face when he saw my scars, how he looked at me with pity and I really hate that,I'm not a charity case I hate Been pitied or being nice too out of pity. I recalled earlier after he saw me in the ladies room
Recap
"You self harm!!" Jide asked me with his eyes wide open but I refused to answer
"You self harm!!" He asked me again but like always I refused to answer
"Ife, answer me already, it's taking everything in me not to swear right now so just answer me, do you self harm"
"What does it look like" I answered a bit louder then I expected he was starting to get on my nerves and I was starting to get defensive
"Don't raise you voice at me young lady" I could only look at him weirdly until he gave me the "look" that he is not going to back down until I answer him
"Yes i self harm" I answered tiredly,I don't know why I'm tired all of a suddenly probably the event of the day catching up on me
"Why" he asked but i could only look at him not knowing how to reply to that question
"It's my way of coping with stress"
"Coping with stress, coping with stress Ife, people cope with stress by reading books, people cope with stress by physical exercise, they....they cope with stress by talking to someone, how can you say you cope with stress by self harm, by cutting your self , what if while you were "coping with stress" you manage to cut a vein or two mistakenly and you ended up bleeding to death,will you still call that coping with stress, huh Ife , answer me and stop crying" and then I slapped him I'm tried with guys treating me like a little girl and disrespecting me. I may like Jide but he went too far and I'm so not going to accept that from him.
"You don't know me so don't pretend like you do all because you saw me vulnerable once or twice"
"You call that vulnerable Ife, no that is not you showing your vulnerability , that was you hurting and kicking everyone out of your life,that was you breaking down after acting strong for too long but you know you don't have to pretend, yes I know you are strong but you needing help from another person is not bad."
"I can't do this Jide" I said hiccuping from crying so much
"Yes you can, you are strong Ife very strong, Just let me in"
"What if you get hurt Jide,what if..."
"I can protect my self but seeing you like this hurts more , it's killing me slowly"
"Why are you doing this,are you doing this because you pity me. I don't understand, I have done nothing but insult you and push you away ,I'm I that pathetic that you can't stay away" i asked in disbelief
"God Ife are you that dumb" he asked rolling his eyes
"Well considering I'm an A straight student, I doubt I'm dumb"
"Yeah we know you are smart, nerd" he said jokingly rolling his eyes and we both laughed lighten up the mood
"But seriously Jide, why are you being nice"
"Because I like you"
I cough lightly choking on my spits I guess that was the last answer I was expecting
"Calm down" Jide said patting my back lightly probably to help my choking
"I like you Ife, I don't know how you probably didn't notice"
"Who else is aware"
"Almost half of the school"
"What!! half of the school knows and I don't"
"Well like I said, you are kinda dumb" and I gave him the "seriously" look "but I like your dumb ass like that" he quickly added and I couldn't help but chuckle which triggered his then turned into a full blown laughter. So we are currently looking at each other and laughing like creeps then our laughter died down but we still continue looking at each staring at each other's lips waiting patiently for who to make the first move and trust me I was really impatient, I can't help but imagine what his succulent pink lips will taste like,probably like chocolate ice cream and that thought alone made me bite my lips involuntarily and I saw him gulped did I mention how sexy his Adam apple is.
"Ife, I like you very much and I know we have not being in the best situation lately but can you please not push me away again and let me help you, please" I was in too much of a trance to reply him, the way his sexy lips move with each words flowing like honey out of a bee hive. The only thing I could do was nod my head still staring at his lips like am trying to master every cute curve and his sexy Cupid
"I would love to really kiss you right now but you might probably slap me again and we are in the bathroom which doesn't make it really right, I don't want our first kiss to be in the bathroom but considering the day I kissed you and you slap me..." he was rambling and he only rambles when he is nervous so placed my finger on my lips for him to shut up and dragged him out of the bathroom Into the janitors closet where there is not security camera and not a bathroom because i also don't want our first kiss to be in a bathroom.
"Why did you drag me here,Ife" he asked in surprise
"Do it" I heard my self say in a low voice
"Do What" he said clearly confused
"Well if I find out you are a good kisser then I probably won't slap you" I said with a strange confidence I was always shy about this type of matter with Samuel but with Jide everything seems different.
"Well I guess I will have to risk getting slapped" he said huskily
With that his lips descended on mine.