Kaysia

9.

We were sat in a booth on the far side of restaurant. I took my time to look around seeing as up to now, I was focused on Kane. It was mainly filled with 2 seater tables but hosted some bigger groups of people. It was packed and somehow me and Kane had a booth to ourselves. Each booth had its own dimly lit light hanging above and the melodic sounds coming from the piano was allowing the tension to melt away from my body. It was a romantic setting and it surprised me that Kane had picked somewhere this nice. He really was pulling out all the stops but I didn't know how to take it. As soon as I think he's starting to take me seriously he does or says something that shows he isn't, and I couldn't be mad at that. He doesn't owe me any loyalty but I just don't like not knowing where I stand with someone. I also don't like asking where I stand with someone.

I finished the remainder of my champagne as Kane poured another straight away. I thanked him but mentally told myself to slow down because I was not trying to get drunk. I could already feel the alcohol working it's magic and our food hadn't even come yet.

Kane: "You look nervous". He stated as he picked up his glass. He looked away from me and down at the glass, swirling his drink around. I chuckled because it seemed to me like he was more nervous than I was.

Me: "So do you". I replied.

Kane: "I just haven't done something like this before, feels a bit awkward". He said finally saying what was on both our minds.

Me: "Haven't taken a girl out or haven't been to a place like this?" I questioned causing him to shrug.

Kane: "Both". He said causing me to just give him the yeah right look. "Seriously, I know your probably thinking the worst of me because of that whole Tiana thing but I really don't fuck with anyone hard enough to take them places".

Me: "So did you only take me here because you felt guilty?" I asked

Kane: "I don't feel guilty". He said simply. "Why would I?" He asked rhetorically before proceeding. "Okay a girl turned up at my door and no she ain't my girlfriend but neither are you. If you didn't stay round you would have never known". He said causing me to go silent. He was right. I needed to stop thinking that things between us were more than what they were. I know he said he wanted to give it a go but he could have just said it in the moment or he could have just changed his mind.

Me: "Okay". I said before smiling. That's the only thing I could do. It felt as if every emotion I was feeling was racing through my body and trying to escape through my eyes but I stopped myself. I had to remember that there are other people in this world. I'm not limited to the likes of Kane or even Dontè. I just knew I needed to go back home now. "Can I go back home tonight?" I asked as if I actually needed his permission.

Kane: "Why? I like having you around". He admitted. I just shook my head a little and chuckled beneath my breath. I think he liked to play games with me.

Me: " I just think it would be for the best. I'll call Jay if..well you I guess if anything happens or if they turn up".

Kane: "I done it again?" He said as if it were more of a question. I cleared my throat before answering.

Me: "You done what?"

Kane: "Shut you down I'm guessing". He said doing speech marks with his fingers. I took a minute to figure out how to answer. At least he could see it now.

Me: "I mean, it's fine. Your not saying anything I didn't know already. I just don't want to impose and I just think we gave it a go and yeah..". I said no longer wanting to explain my decision. I had no more fight left in me. Since the day we met I made it clear that I wanted him or so I thought and from the day we met he made it clear that he didn't really want me like that. I feel like I kind of wore him down and that's not what he really wanted. He could go back to fucking random girls or having every Tia and Tiana knock at his door - not that he actually stopped. I just don't want to care anymore. I don't want to settle for less than I know I deserve and I don't think thats Cameron.