Kaysia

22.

An actual update...😱

A whole 14 days has passed since my date with Jovan. A whole 14 days since i've seen Kane. 14 days since, I've spoken to him and 14 days since he gave up on me...again. I tell myself it's for the better and that I can finally move on and be with someone who will love me the way I want to be loved but in my heart, all I want is Kane. I've turned into that person that, I guess uses someone or settles because they can't have who they really want. I hate her, I hate being her. But, Jovan was so good to me, he constantly checked in on me, he cared and he wasn't trying to hide it. He wanted me and I wanted him to want me but I also wanted Kane - Kane didn't want me. I messaged him and called him but he wouldn't reply. I know his pride gets the better of him but I also wasn't going to run him down. I settled with knowing it wasn't meant to be. If it was - he'd come back to me eventually.

I grabbed my ringing phone off the sofa and answered it.

Me: Hello?
Princess: Kaysiaaaaa, What you wearing tonight?
Me: Uh, I don't even want to go
Princess: Why man
Me: Because Jovan is going and I know Kane will be there
Princess: Thought Kane ain't talking to you
Me: I don't want to drink around him. Or him and Jovan in the same room.
Princess: Why you bringing Jovan? Make him stay at home
Me: Im not bringing him, Taiwo is. You know thats Leah's cousin.
Princess: Rahhhh, I didn't know Kehinde was Leah's cousin. Thats wild.
Me: Yeah... Rashai called me like an hour ago. She's getting her hair done just for tonight
Princess: This girl. It's only a games night
Me: Yeah well her and Amari broke up so she thinks she will be there to mingle
Princess: She knows hes going though right?
Me: Ofcourse, you know shes doing it for him. They are not leaving each other. Its cute.
Princess: It's fucking weird
Me: Ha, well its better than whatever we got going on.
Princess: Speak for yourself mate
Me: Ah yeah, Mr.Tube guy
Princess: His name is Tion
Me: Well, hows it going?
Princess: Really good actually, but I don't know if he's uno...like the one
Me: Well who is?
Princess: I don't know
Me: Exactly, don't take it too seriously. Just have fun
Princess: True. Anyway let me get ready. I'll meet you at Sam's in 2 hours yeah?
Me: Uhhhh, yeah
Princess: Be on time Kaysia. Get up now.
Kaysia: I'm getting up. I already showered im just chillin in my towel
Princess: Uh bye.
Kaysia: Bye.

I stay sat down on my sofa for another 5 minutes before sighing and getting up. Heading to my room, I put my phone on charge, connect it to the speaker and start to get ready.

2 hours later

Looking at the 3 missed calls on my phone, I ignore the 4th as I continue trying to slick my hair up into a tight ponytail. I've being having a mare. The hairband broke then it started going curly where the gel was applied and now theres this one bit that doesn't want to lay flat. I was getting aggravated and to me this provided all the more reason not to go. I needed my makeup and hair to be perfect.

After finally being satisfied with my hair I called Princess back. "Are you taking the piss?" She asked. "Nah im actually sorry. I know i'm violating, my hair wouldn't go right BUT it's done. Im dressed i'm walking out right now". I replied. "Bitch you better run because Sam is looking at me like i've been in his shop too long". I laughed and hung up the phone basically power walking and trying to zip up my jacket at the same time. A mission.

As I practically jogged along the empty street, I started to think about all the things that could possibly go wrong tonight - that and how cold London was. It's was below freezing outside, I was in such a hurry I forgot my scarf and gloves but on the plus side I was getting my car in a couple of days. I finally gave in. Its too cold for public transport and if my sorry excuse for a mother decided she'd rather give me money than love then i'll take every last penny up for grabs. Of course, my dad didn't know but what does she tell him? Nothing. It's funny because, I thought i'd always want a relationship with them but as of recently I hardly think about them and im coming to terms with the fact that I have no parents and that's mainly because of Jay. Even spending christmas with his family last week was so special and just amazing. His mum is the best. I wish my mum was like Jays mum, since then she messages me all the time. I love his family. It's even weird to think that i'm on my way to meet Princess to go a games night hosted by Jay and his girlfriend... I never thought he'd settle down or take anyone serious but he proved me wrong and i'm so here for it! Leah is so lovely and she keeps him level headed.