Sanders Sides: Oneshots & Short Stories Galore!

Selfishness Vs. Selflessness: Logan Aftermath (1)

[ Quick notes! The Art is by: prettyinaccurate on Tumblr! Go check them out please! <3
Trigger Warnings: Angst, Feeling Alone/Worthless, Holding Back Tears, Anxiety/Panic Attack
If you have any problems with the TW's above or you're not in a good mental place right now, please don't read ahead! I want you all to stay safe & feel better, no matter what you're going through. Your health is my #1 priority, & should also be yours. Just know that you are loved, & that you're worth the world! If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, my door is always open. ]

Selfishness Vs. Selflessness: Logan Aftermath (First Oneshot)

Logan adjusted his tie, letting out a long sigh. He stood in his room, his back facing the door.

"What's the word...?"

Lo thought, his voice loud against the silence of his room. It was almost eerie, in a way. Why was that? Logan had always loved the quiet. 'Silence is golden' was one of his favorite quotes.

He also enjoyed the sound of a soft rainstorm. How the raindrops would gently fall to the earth after a long journey, just to settle sweetly on a windows glass, or a trees colorful leaves.

Peaceful. Serine. Feelings of which Logan, for the first time, didn't experience being alone in his own bedroom.

It felt deafening. Suffocating. Logic could hear his heart beat in his ears, his vision blurring with some unknown emotion.

"What's the word...?" 

Logan took off his glasses, setting them aside on his work-desk & rubbed his eyes, groaning in frustration. He stayed like that for awhile, his right hand covering his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose, his lips pressed downward into a thin frown.

Just then, Lo thought back to earlier that day. His stomach turned, it felt so tight, the opposite of butterflies.

The others hadn't invited him. They were in a court room, having a trial, a debate. All of which were things Logan loved almost more than anything in the world!

Yet they hadn't invited him. Why? Even Deceit had been there. Deceit of all sides was chosen to conduct the whole scenario. Why not Logan? Logic? their 'Lo'?

Lo felt breathless, as if a large weight was suddenly dropped on his chest, preventing any air to slip past his mouth & into his lungs.

They let Deceit put him in the very back of the court room. They never once stood up for him, or asked him to truly participate. As if he didn't... Matter. As if he were disposable. Nothing. Worthless.

Deceit had said something about Patton telling everyone that he hadn't wanted Logan there. Logan didn't want to believe it. He couldn't. Deceit was a liar, a manipulator by nature. So why? Why did the thought of Patton possibly hiding the fact that he didn't want him around leave a sour taste on his tongue?

"Why, why, why? What's the word...?!"

Lo felt his face drain of all warmth & color. He sat down on the left side of his bed. Did his friends hate him? No, that can't be true, but what if it was?

Logan began to blink, his eyes stung. He cocked his eyebrow to himself in initial surprise. Then, with a steady finger, he brought his hand up towards his cheek. Wet. He was crying.

Upon realizing what he was doing, he began to sob. He struggled to keep his posture, his entire body shaking, yet he kept his head forward. His hands clamped tightly together in his lap. Color returned to his face, turning his features a bright crimson red.

He scanned his room, panicked. He had never felt this way before, especially not in his place of perfect solitude. Lo wasn't used to this. He hated it.

His attention focused on a cube. A Rubik Cube.

Logan jumped up abruptly, snatching the cube from its nightstand & started to fiddle with it. Turning it over & over in his hands. Running his finger tips across its smooth plastic surface.

Through hot, scorching tears Logic sat back down, now playing with the Rubik Cube. He sat like that for a few hours, over time, his tears began to dry against his face, as he engulfed himself in figuring out the puzzle.

By the time he had calmed down & completed the puzzle a few times, it was 2:26 A.M. Logan looked at his clock in astonishment. So much time had passed, yet he felt a little bit better.

The feeling still lingered numbly inside both his self consciousness, & physical being, yet he tried to pay it less mind.
Logan flipped on his TV, something of which he rarely ever did, & went to Netflix. He chose Deep Blue 11, an ocean animal life informative documentary.

Lo just couldn't take the quietness of his room any longer. He needed something to listen to, almost like white noise.

Logic pulled back his bed sheets & covers, not caring enough to change out of his day clothes. He was too exhausted.

Logan could almost hear Virgil in his head. He inhaled for a count of 8, exhaled for a count of 7.

Lo yawned, turning over onto his right side. Tomorrow would be another day. He could think of how to confront & hopefully fix things in the morning. He promised himself. He was good at being blunt, he just had to think of the right thing to say.

Outside he could hear a small piddle-paddle. The beginning of a soft rainstorm colliding with the narrator from Deep Blue's lulled Logan to sleep.

"Convoluted."

Tomorrow is another day.

[ Ending Note: I didn't think that I would write this in one sitting but I did. XD it's nearly 1:00 A.M. & I have school tomorrow- so I have to wake up in 4 hours. Oof.
I'm also super tired, so I'm sorry if the story lacks due to my sleep deprivation. I will go back & fix typos ASAP. I hope you enjoyed it regardless reader! Have a wonderful day/night! I love you so much! <3 ]

~ Fedya