DEDICATED To HELMET, HEDDA AND SILAS!💕
"Astoria,why the heck do you wear black all the time? Hello, its summer already c'mon change into some other color as i don't want you to be the centre of attraction for UV RAYS." Mesa her sister waves her hand dramatically while complaining about her sister's choice.Astoria sighs loudly and rolls her eyes which meant she is not going to change her clothes.How can she explain it to her sister that black is just a fashion statement and loves the idea about the black. Mysterious, hidden and full of secrets.She has been keeping Mesa away from the truth which she has the right to know but Astoria doesn't wants her sister to know anything about the game for survival in this cruel world. Astoria never showed her emotions,like sadness because for her it meant the sign of weakness so she has been hiding her emotions because it managed to let him ruin her life more. "Mess, let's go." She says dryly and leaves the room biding goodbye to her mother. Soon,Mesa follows her and jumps on her back she holds her tight to give her Piggyback ride which Mesa loved it and had been doing it since small. "Oh,Mesa for holy potato chips lose your weight!" Astoria yells jokingly. "Puta." Mesa curses under her breathe and the sound of a chuckle escapes from Astoria's mouth which is really very rare.Only, Mesa gets to see Astoria's happy and playful side as she has been hiding this side with the emotionless expression that acts like a perfect mask to keep herself aloof from the contact of other human beings.They play around teasing and insulting each other. Loneliness which eats Astoria up somehow manages to leave when she is with her sister. She loves spending her time with her especially in the dilapidated house which they found last summer while finding their little cute puppy which they named Spero. Nobody knew about this expect for them they came here to spend their time and sometimes even to escape from the reality.Some people may get creeped out by just looking at the condition of the house or even prevent themselves from coming any closer but to these girls this house meant beautifully miserable just like them and it somehow became their second home.Entering inside Mesa sits on the floor,Astoria lies on her back and stares at the ceiling which is breaking off slowly.Mesa starts playing with Astoria's hair and puts on her favorite song "Come as you are as you were as i want you to be as a friend...." Nirvana has always been her favorite,she first encountered it when she was utterly sad and wanted some good music to describe her own pain and melancholy in this process she found "NIRVANA." She had heard alot about the band but never in once she bothered to listen to it. But ,that awful day she decided to downland all the songs and listen to it. When she first played the songs of Nirvana she listen to it again and again trying to understand the lyrics more profoundly.In,Kurt Cobain's voice she heard perfectly blended miseries which was followed by loud music and as she concentrated deeper and deeper into the voice that sang out sadness she just felt like she was part of that pain which he was going through.Whole world knew about Kurt Cobain's miseries yet he never found someone to help him come out from that pool of grievance but in Astoria's case, nobody knew about her miseries and pain expect the darkness and the music which she listen to it knew and that was something much worse because she was stuck in her world of misery with nobody to talk to and help her come out of it. Astoria closed her eyes slowly taking each lyrics in and sang along with it.
"Astori,did it hurt when he left you?" Mesa asks after a while. Astoria opens her eyes in one snap and stares at her sister who is looking down at her sympathetically. She never expected this question from her,she never did.She was in such a difficult state that she was failing immensely to muster up some words. There was change in her facial expression as she felt something that she once did when she was with him. Every moment spent with him was malevolent and vicious,now that same pain which she felt back then has returned when she had to lie and keep her smiling face in front of her mother and her sister to avoid them from any trouble and this time it's a burning sensation in her heart caused from lying everytime to her sister and the lump in her throat stops the urge to tell her sister everything as she is bounded by so many things which Mesa was totally unaware about it.After a long pause she finally finds the courage to answer her sister. "Mess, life is a short play and I had a role to perform and in that play my only role was to live my life, look after you and mom, live my life without any fear, confinement and with respect. So that is why I did what I had to; I left him and came back here to you all." Astoria says in a very gravelly tone.After a long pause "I'm confused" Mesa scrunches her eyebrows and looks at Astoria in complete bewilderment but to avoid any further conversation Astoria rolls her eyes snd says "You are too young to know." "Whatever!!!!!" Mesa shouts and rolls her eyes at Astoria. "Even if I want to know you won't let that happen but anyways as far as I'm knowledgeable I still feel you deserve so much better and I will always love you."
Astoria keeps staring at her little sister uh not so little sister anyway she blinks her wet eyes to avoid the tears from falling and without any second she pulls her into a hugg and whispers "I LOVE YOU." Mesa nods her head and laughs Astoria keeps her emotions inside as she knew what she had promised to herself after that heinous relationship.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MUCH LOVE💕💖
