Remember that time u felt so buried
Like the strongest person couldn't pull you up. Remember the suffocation u felt for days?weeks?months?years?
Now I want you to remember that darkest day. The day you saw your worst fear fall before you. The day where the panicking every other day. That day, you broke. You couldn't function. That day, you went home, walked into your room and just lay there. Lay there and not think.
The next day you took your first breath to recovery. You didn't know it yet, but you did. Every time you thought about that time, you fell in tears. The days became weeks and the weeks became months. The tears became less and less.
Now stop, you found and underlying problem at the beginning of this healing. It was your eating. You took a job, and brought only healthy foods for 4 months. Apparently that wasn't enough. Doctor told you that you needed to work on your cholesterol. You were devastated. You were healing and apparently you were further down than you thought.
In the next 2 weeks you completely cut of sweets. Ice cream and sugary dairy products were a no go. Time was running out. You needed to get ready for the school year. You were not ready. You haven't healed enough, but you faked it because you hate making people worry.
So, you went to school worried as all hell. Did the things you said you were going to do. Cried and repeat.
You also started running again. Something not done within the 2 years of college you had been here.
It started bad only being able to run walk. Then through the months, you got better. You also got healthier. Mentally and Physically. Your emotions were do much healthier and when you finally realized this. You broke down.
The life you were so Leary about became so much better. The sadness that always came with tears no longer came when you told people your story. A story of how dark it was.
You didn't go alone for the first time since 6 grade. You accepted help. You found a person. Who isn't family who sincerely likes you.
You got accepted back into the program you were kicked out of. A heavy nervous heart followed for the semester. You look back to the sticky notes for confidence that said motivational and stern warnings. It helped.
You didn't know it yet, but you finally accepted other people into your life. And they seemed ok with that. The teachers became closer to you and for the first time you stopped blaming yourself.
Your life had became difficult nearing the end of the year but a good difficult. News came from home. Grandma wasn't doing well. You broke down went home and checked to find out she was okay just... weaker.
You decided to visit every other weekend.
The following week, you hurt your ankle. Frustration grew as you couldn't walk on it for 3 days without limping. Then you iced it and the pain started to go away. But it wasn't healed. You tried to run again exactly a week later but you knew only after a half mile, you had to stop. You didn't even break a sweat. You went back frustrated and wanting to cry. This week had been really tough and running was the main thing that relieved the stress. But now you couldn't. You wanted to break down, cry. You felt the depression you felt last year you couldn't even make a genuine smile. So you instead write in this to get the frustrations out.
You would try again. And this note would be your motivation.
XX
No matter what hard experiences a person goes through, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The journey is difficult and hard, but the end is so much sweeter than imaginable. For those who do not feel this, I encourage you to call this number
Call 1-800-273-8255
It is the National Suicide Hotline.
Anyways, I hope this can be motivation as this has carried me through so many hardships.
