Dear diary

4/4/19

Help me. It feels like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just cant~

Dear diary,

I don't know how I do it. I don't know how I come across as above average a.d told me I'm a likeable person, that I'm nice, I don't complain, and I'm loyal. So why? Why do they do this?

I can't talk to n.n anymore. I try, but they're always there, distracting her, dragging her away. If I don't talk to one or two of them, then I can't talk to any of them, I guess. It's not like I want to ignore them.
It's was the right thing to do though. I had to.

I don't understand how people never noticed. I guess I just play it off cool. I can count on my left hand how many people I've opened up to. It's about 3 people. One of them I can't even trust anymore.

I can't count on one of my hands, though, of how many times I've said "I'm good, thanks,". I say it to everyone now, just to be polite.
When you see someone, and they ask how you are, they don't usually care. It's just to be polite. Everything is because people want.to.be.polite. So why aren't they polite to me?

It feels like a hole inside my chest. One I can't patch up, one that will never go away. We make up and the pain goes away. But it's still there. It'll leave a nasty scar, also.
I'm waiting for the day when someone asks me how I am, and I can just say "I'm fine, wbu?" and mean it.

People say that I should just ignore what they say. But it's not what they say. It's how they say it. On purpose. To, what, upset me? Annoy me? Punish me? I need to know, because nobody seems to know the answer.