Dear diary

17/5/19

Do re mi~ blackbear// If I could go back to the day we met I probably would have stayed in bed.

Dear diary,

So I haven't wrote in a while. Things have been difficult to deal with, and I completely forgot. I wish it would all go away. Everything. Simple things aren't simple anymore. I've been so busy worrying about f.h and m.l that I haven't had time to take care of myself.

I texted them, attempting to apologise. F.h and I were arguing for 4 days before finally making up. M.l decided that I was, and I quote, 'too emotional, petty' and that I 'cry over everything'. Which is partially true.

But is it so bad, to be upset? To be mad at my so called 'best friends' because they were laughing at me crying. Is it bad that my closest friend I've ever had, knew about how I felt. I wouldn't go as far to say it was depression and anxiety. It was kind of a dulled down version.

A couple of days later, n.n texted me, saying f.h was going through something atm and that I needed to stay away from her, for not an hour, not a day, but longer.  f.h decided to text me. She said she needed to tell me something important. I decided that after everything she's put me through, leaving me in the dark when I needed a best friend, why should I be there for her? She wasn't happy because I was talking about crossiant sandwitches, as a joke. Her and I had another argument, now we're not friends.

I've still been trying to make up with m.l but she said the only way she'll forgive me, is if I give her space. Which is exactly what I've done for the past month or so.

A boy texted me, one in the year below me. With all the shit that I've been going through, I do not want a boyfriend. Not now. I'll end up neglecting him, and making him feel worthless. I'm also waiting for the right person. I've liked this guy for a year and a half now, and he still has barely noticed me. We chat sometimes, acquaintances. I want more 😒