Skin On Skin

Chapter 20

Kurt stirred sometime in the early hours of the morning to the sound of the shower running, the mattress beside him empty. At some point the curtains had been closed while he had been sleeping. In the darkness, the only light came from the nightstand alarm clock that read four o'clock in the morning, and the thin line that escaped from underneath the bathroom door.

Kurt blinked slowly, adjusting his eyes to the strange shadows in the room as he tried to remember where he was.

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

He sat up quickly, his mind going into a fluster as he was suddenly bombarded with the realization of what had taken place. Everything had happened so fast, like a whirlwind. He sat there dazed, not believing that he had even gone to Blaine let alone had, yet again, the most amazing, mind blowing sex with the man. Who would have thought that Blaine was even more breathtaking as he had lain there below him, taking everything that Kurt could give him?

But now Kurt had no idea what he should do. Only a couple of hours ago he had been preparing to move into a new home with Kevin. Only a couple of hours ago Kurt knew what lay on the horizon. Only a couple of hours ago Kurt had thought he was doing the right thing. Distraught, Kurt sighed. Only a few hours ago Kurt had been squirming over the fact that Kevin had told him that he loved him, and that he, Kurt, didn't have the same feelings to return.

Oh! Oh! Oh! And he had gone and told Blaine that he loved him instead! Kurt cringed. Why had he done that? It had just slipped out. It had to have been a reckless, lust induced reaction to the sight of Blaine. It must have been.

Why then, had it been so easy to say?

Flustered beyond words Kurt dropped back down onto the pillow and kicked his feet into the mattress to try to release some of his embarrassment at his careless words. He stopped and gasped in several breaths. He didn't need to look in a mirror to know that his face was bright red, because really, who was he kidding? Even though he was embarrassed, Kurt had fallen in love with Blaine right from their first encounter, and without a doubt, those feelings were still there. It didn't mean that he had to go and tell Blaine straightaway though! Oh, Oh, Oh! Kurt clutched his pillow and berated himself. He couldn't deny himself those feelings, could he? After all, that's why he was still there, lying amongst the very sheets where they had reunited.

Kurt sat up again, the smell of Blaine's scent on the pillow beside him too intoxicating, his head still in turmoil. His eyes went warily to the bathroom door. Shouldn't he be more rational about the whole matter? Was he really going to change the direction of his life so swiftly? What would the consequences be? Kurt's eyes moved to the hotel room door that only now, he realized, was so far away in Blaine's lavish and large Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Maybe he should flee to the safety of the other side of that door, where his world existed, just so he could breathe, clear his head, and figure out whether he wanted this to continue?

He wanted to hit himself. Why was he panicking? Blaine had said he felt the same way, but it was just so.... Incredible! Blaine really loved him? Kurt gasped for air and tried to stop the looming panic attack before it really set in. The possibility that Kurt could have everything he had always dreamed of suddenly scared him to the core. Because if those dreams were broken again, how on Earth would he put himself back together and recover for a fourth time?

He started to twist so he could place his feet on the floor, but all of a sudden Kurt was out of time. The water was turned off and he heard the soft clang of the shower door open and close. He wouldn't have time to get dressed and walk out the door now. He dropped back down onto the pillow, cursing that he was still naked, and decided that feigning sleep would help him until he managed to get his heart and mind to realign.