our messy love

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it's warm and safe
in your new sweater,

we lay wrapped in the blankets
on the living room floor,

watching movies
and i tell you:
i want to live in the woods,
just for a year-

and i tell you
not to look at me like that
like you did when you were fourteen,

that year when you were way too weak
way too thin
smiling with crooked teeth
kissing girls with shaking knees

with all those people around
and now we're by ourselves

you don't look sad like i do now.

this moment- shaped by days, weeks, months, years-
we call it love
and this love
is messy

messy like the way you laugh,
the way your fingers graze mine when we pass;
the way you glance at me when you think i'm not looking
the way you stare
when you've finally got me laughing
in parking lots ,water parks, and as we're sitting across fast food high tops.

you are real, so

what's so bad about growing up?
what's the point of being here?
you'll stay beautiful
for as long as i love you
and as long as
you take up every empty space
that i need you to

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