The Diary of Ryan Ross

chapter two

august 21, 2004

the cute boy next door rides my bus. he asked me to sit next to him. I know it sounds stupid and somewhat cliche. but I love him already. so I don't care.

we sat in silence. I cracked my knuckles, trying to keep my eyes off of him. he finally broke the silence.

"you're crazy if you think I don't notice you staring me down." he said.

"shit. I-I'm sorry, I just-"

"dude, it's fine! I don't mind it. I'm Brendon. Brendon Urie. your name is...?"

"Ryan. Ryan Ross." I guess that's how kids introduce themselves around here. might as well get used to the lingo.

"Nice to meet you, Ross. welcome to hell." I laughed. "seriously. this school is the epitome of evil. luckily, I've befriended the few that are worth knowing and, ya know, aren't self aggrandizing bastards."

"that's good." I whispered, looking out the window. maybe I was a self aggrandizing bastard in his eyes.

"you should hang out with us. you'd love them."

"really?"

"yeah, I mean who wouldn't love them-"

"no, not that. you want me to...uhm, hang with you?" he put his hand on my thigh.

"yeah, of course. I don't want a cool kid like you to fall under the curse of their jackassery." yes, he actually said jackassery. I smiled. a real smile.

things have changed for me. I guess that's okay.

he walked me to every class we didn't have together. twenty minutes until lunch. twenty minutes until I can talk to him and his friends. twenty minutes.

I couldn't pay attention to the teacher, yapping on and on about the rules I heard three times prior to this. I looked at the clock.

nineteen minutes.

I wrote his name on my wrist. I'm wearing a sweatshirt anyway, so it's not like he'll see it.

"you know Brendon?" I heard a voice next to me whisper.

I finally noticed someone had actually sat next to me. it was the most wildly gorgeous girl I had ever seen. long black hair and beautiful blue eyes, skinny but, God curvy.

"uhm, yeah. we live across the street from each other. why?"

"I saw you write his name on your wrist." shit. "I'm Sarah. Sarah Orzechowski. one of Brendon's best friends."

"Ryan. Ryan Ross. Brendon's neighbor."

"do you like Brendon?" I looked away. "Obviously, you do. I won't tell, though." she smiled.

if I were straight, I would totally fall for Sarah. hot as hell, observant too. God, I'm weird.

she walked me to lunch since I had no idea where the cafeteria was.

"You'll love Spencer and Jon. you're gonna fit in so well with our group." I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing. from what I noticed, the "jackasses" are the cool kids.

Brendon was sitting at the table with two other guys. I guess Sarah's the only girl?

"Ryan! hi!" brendon yelled when he saw me. I meekly waved back and sat next to his two friends.

"So you're the guy Brendon won't shut up about?" the muscular one said.

"Shut up man." brendon laughed.

"Spencer. Spencer Smith," the muscular one said, extending his hand towards me. I hesitantly shook it.

"and I'm Jon. Jon Walker." the shorter one said. the people at this school have such a strange way of introducing themselves.

the entire lunch, I couldn't help but notice Sarah's inability to stop staring at this certain table. brendon must've noticed me staring.

"See the tall girl? Sarah's in love with her. Names Breezy. Breezy Weekes. The tall boy's sister. she's a total trip."

"SHUT UP!" Sarah yelled. "she's beautiful."

"beautiful, yes. popular, yes. lesbian, doubtful. possible, but doubtful. don't waste your time on her."

"yeah man. She's Dallon's sister. Dallon Weekes. Cmon Sarah. anyone could do better than Dallon." Spencer said.

"Spencer, please." jon said. "you're just mad that he's straight because of your dire crush on the poor boy-"

"no! I could care less about his sexuality. Jesus, jon you act like I'm-"

"what happened to loyalty? I mean you could at least pretend you love me-"

"jon, you're my boy. I love-"

"dallon. you love dallon." jon smiled and nudged Spencer.

"is everyone at this table gay?" why would I say that?

"depends." brendon said. "are you gay?" yes, I am. but no, I'm not going to say yes. I shook my head.

"then, no there are two straight boys at this table." of course he's straight.

I smiled through it. it doesn't matter. you're just friends. that's all you'll ever be.

apparently I'm accepted within their group. which is great. took 16 years and I finally have friends. finally.

brendon walked me home. he waved goodbye and walked to his house. and I watched him do it.

I'm so fucked.

so long and goodnight

-ry