Seven Years // l.s.

4. Just Heartbreak

Junior year was when Louis started to date some guy that wasn't Harry and Harry cried when he found out, but he would never tell Louis that. Louis had other things to worry about like his failing grade in math all because he's too embarrassed to ask Harry for help considering Harry had already completed eleventh grade math and was finishing up his first college course.

And though he didn't like to admit it, Louis was feeling very lonely, even with a boyfriend that claimed he would do anything in the world for him.. Louis still felt as if there was something he was missing and he didn't know where to find it.

When Harry started to make other friends, college friends at that, Louis couldn't help but feel jealous. But it wasn't because he felt like he was replaced, he felt as though Harry had moved on and that was the worst sort of pain to feel.

"How are you feeling today, love? You look so tired," Jaiden asked Louis as they walked to their first period class.

"Yeah, I'm okay, just didn't get enough sleep last night, I guess."

Jaiden looked worried for a brief second, but quickly masked it with a hopeful smile, "you'll get more tonight then tomorrow you won't look so zombie-like."

Louis just nodded and gave Jaiden a quick hug good-bye before entering his class and taking his seat in the back. It was cold and lonely, so he figured it was the perfect spot for him.

As Louis enjoyed learning of his biology teacher's past relationships (not really), Harry sat in his college class (which he was taking online in the technology department at school), tapping his fingers on his desk. He just wanted to see Louis in third period.

He sat there, drowning out his classmates and the teacher, as he thought about Louis and how gorgeous he was and how blind he was. He questioned how someone could be so blind in a relationship. How could Louis not see that Jaiden was cheating on him? How could he not sense how manipulative his boyfriend really was?

"Hey, Harry!" Carl called from behind him, he ran towards him after first had ended, "why are you in such a hurry?"

Harr shrugged, "I just want to go to second, I guess." 

"Well, I was wondering if you'd ever like to go get a cup of coffee or we could go to Jamba Juice or something like that," Carl offered. 

Oh. 

Harry wasn't expecting that. Out of the two years he had been going to high school, no one had ever asked him out on a date. He never went to homecoming or the winter formal. He never went to any school event besides football games and that was only to take photos. Everything else, he thought, was pointless.

"Wow, uhm, I'm flattered."

"If it's a no, just tell me and I'll leave you be," Carl interrupted.

Goodness, did Harry hate that. He hated not being able to finish a thought or story because someone rudely interrupts him. He hated it with all his might and people wondered why he never even bothered to talk. What's the point when no one listens?

"I just don't think that-"

"Alright, it's a no, I understand. I'll see you in fourth," Carl said, walking in the opposite direction of Harry.

"That was weird," Harry mumbled to himself.

"What was?" Louis questioned, surprising Harry who had to turn around to make sure it was actually him.

"Just, you know, Carl being Carl asking questions and answering them himself," Harry decided to change subjects, "you haven't talked to me in a while."

Louis slowly nodded, staring at the ground as they walked towards their second period class, "I've been busy I guess."

"You look worn out. Maybe you could use a nice cup of tea after school or something, I'm not sure."

"Harry, you know I can't do that."

"I wasn't implying anything, Louis."

"You made it seem like you were. I just didn't want anything like last time happening again. I'm still sorry about--"

"Look, it's fine, I get it. You're with Jaiden now. You don't like me and you won't ever like me. I don't need to hear that again. I was just saying that you could use a cup of tea to keep you going. And I don't just say this because I think it's true, I say this because I care. I care about you and your health and I just don't want to see you..." Harry trailed off.

"See me like what? Shit? Goddamn, Harry, I thought that you would understand." 

"That's not even close to what I was going to say."

"Then what were you going to say?" Louis pushed.

"I was going to say that I don't want to see you turning it to me!" Harry took a deep breath, trying to refrain from crying or hitting something, "I don't want to see you tired and lonely and lost. I don't want to see you sad and upset. I don't want to see you like I see myself, okay? I just want what's best for you."

 "What's best for me is if you would just start being my friend again!" Louis yelled.

Harry stared at him confused. Louis wasn't making sense. One second he says he wants Harry to stay away, the next he wants to be friends. Harry didn't know what to make out of this situation. 

"Would you just make up your mind? You can't keep doing this to me," Harry stated as the bell for second rung. Neither of them moved, both waiting for Louis' reply.

"I-I can't. I just know, I know that..."

"What do you know, huh? What in the world could you possibly be thinking right now?"

"I know that I want you. I want you in my life and I know that we won't work as a couple, I know that. But I also know that I need you as my friend. God, Harry, you've kept me from doing the stupidest things and I just want you to be by my side, alright?"

Louis really didn't mean for all of that to come tumbling out of his mouth, but he couldn't stop once he started. He was like a non-stop flight, trying hard to get to the destination before running out of fuel.

"I just...I need you. Please say you need me too."

And maybe Harry should have taken that opportunity to tell Louis the truth, that he would stay with him until the end of the world. But he didn't and looking back a few months later, watching Louis and Jaiden go through a time of lust and love, he regret it.

That should have been him.

That should have been him writing Louis songs and serenading him late at night in a hotel room after prom. That should have been him holding Louis' hand as they walked down the street.

That should have been him from the very start.