Seven Years // l.s.

6. Just Falling Apart

After high school was probably the worst time of Louis' life.

He had moved far away from Harry, who had decided to stay close to home to take care of his elderly grandmother. He had no new friends at his college. He had no desire to learn or apply himself to his classes. He was considering dropping everything to just run back to Harry, because he knew that he would be there. Harry would always be right at home. 

And maybe Louis liked the thought of home. Maybe he liked thinking that he could always go to Harry and they could start a family and he could live happily ever after.

But that was a silly, silly thing. People like Louis, who have hurt everyone around them throughout the years, don't deserve happy endings. People like Harry were the ones to get the endings. They helped others and made people feel wanted. They were good and deserved good things.

Life didn't offer Louis perfect opportunities and when chances came, he shooed them off as if they were pests. He never knew that he would regret these things so much and he wished that he would have learned from the first time.

As Louis sat there in his worn down apartment that he can barely afford, and drank all the beer he had lying in the fridge, he seriosuly considered moving back home. Life was better at home. Though that's not saying much, it still meant something to him. Plus, it wouldn't be so bad to be closer to an old friend like Harry.

Maybe it was his intoxication or the fact that he didn't want to be lonely anymore, but he got off the couch, pulled out a few cardboard boxes that were lying around, and began to pack everything he could. Tomorrow he would leave for home.

.

Tomorrow meant nothing to Harry. It was just another day of trying to get his studying in while taking care of his dying grandmother. He tried to have a few date nights, but soon gave up since no one was right for him. He wished he were closer to Louis.

Deep down, he thought that maybe Louis' going away was his fault. He hadn't told Louis things in order to try and protect him, but it ended up making matters worse. He didn't think through his actions and maybe Louis realized that there were better friends life had to offer.

Harry wished that they could just go back to being freshmen and sophomores, where they were friends that talked with each other and cared about one another. He wished that they could just rewind and go back to the good ole days where adulthood seemed ages away. He just wished that Louis would come back and be with him because home isn't the same without him.

Harry hated home. He hated having to live in the same area he had been his whole life. He hated not being able to travel the world like he wanted to. He hated being in one spot and the day Louis left killed him. He watched his one true love walk out of his life never to return.

Until one day, Harry was aimlessly walking around the grocery store trying to remember what it was exactly he still had to buy, when he caught a glimpse of a familiar face.

"Harry?" they questioned.

It took all Harry got to not fall to his knees and thank God for bringing back the only person that made him feel life. He wanted to kneel and bow down, but it was not the time nor place.

"Louis? W-why are you here? I mean, what brought you back?"

"You look older," Louis said randomly, avoiding Harry's question because he was scared what the answer might be, "you look good, healthy even."

"Thanks, you don't look bad yourself."

"Harry please, I know I look like shit. And don't even think about trying to say something else because it won't work. I just came to see old friends, you know? See what everyone is up to." 

Lie after lie.

Will he ever stop lying?

"You do realize everyone left at the end of last year to pursue their big dreams and whatnot, right?"

Louis shrugged, "I guess, but I kind of wanted to see you too. How have you been?"

"Alright."

Lie.

"How are you, Lou?"

"I'm doing well."

Lie.

"How's school been for you, Styles? Still getting those straight A's?" Louis teased, playfully punching Harry's arm, grinning just the slightest.

"Eh, I'm alright. Human geography isn't really my thing."

Awkward silence.

"Do you, would you like to come to my place for a beer or something of the sorts?"

"Juice would be just fine."

Louis never knew how good it would feel to be back at Harry's, talking about their lives and where they are still heading. He never thought he would be able to have this again. He thought that Harry would avoid him, leave him be if he were to see him at the grocery store. He should have known that wouldn't be the case.

And he couldn't be the one to bring the bad news of anything that was happening in his life like how he flunked out of the college he had been going to in the first semester. He wasn't going to tell Harry that he lived off of the money he made working at Safeway for six hours a day. He wasn't going to tell Harry that he might have hooked up with another guy who broke his heart and left the scraps behind.

He was there to smile and laugh and hope to God that Harry didn't see behind the mask he had been putting on for the last three years.

"You aren't happy," Harry said at last.

"What do you mean, of course I am," Louis smiled.

"Don't even try to lie to me, Louis. I have been looking past that grin ever since you put it on. When will you take it off and just show me all of you?"

Never.

How could someone like Harry even want to try and be with someone so broken as Louis? How had Harry fallen for Louis to begin with? How had he stayed in love with him for years even though he knew that Louis couldn't love him? 

"I know that in high school we were only friends. I know that you wanted other people and they made you feel good and I know that I'm not what you want. I know that you want someone better. But believe me when I say I would do anything for you. Hell, Louis. Isn't it time to give this a fucking break? You, you can be happy with me. I'll make you happy. I'll make you eggs and bacon and toast every morning for breakfast. I'll kiss you until you say stop. I can treat you right. I can love you. I can hold you close and whisper in your ear when you can't fall asleep at night. I can love you for all of your insecurities and all those things that you think aren't perfect. I can love you, because I already do."

Maybe it was Harry's mistake for saying too much too soon. Or maybe it was Louis' for not having the mindset to realize what is right for him. Either way, Louis left, only to be seen again a year later.