See For Me [Editing slowly]

Chapter 15

Okay, so it's been a bit longer than usual but I think I'm hitting my zone again. That's what great showers do for me! The bathroom is officially my thinking place. Remind me if I ever take too long to upload again that the bathroom is the place to be! (this is excluding November of course when I will be participating in nanowrimo which you will probably be able to read here). School has been... bearable...

Here you are! Vote COMMENT Fan!!

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The rest of the day was really a haze for me. Gypsy and I jokingly made plans for what she could do with her Spencer's paraphernalia but I have a feeling that at least half the time she was serious. Dinner went much the same way as lunch had. This time it was slightly more embarrassing, encrusted with tales of me walking into walls, tripping over carpets, falling into baths, telling off my online teacher's, and pretending to be reading Keagan's porn when I was caught snooping. It happens.

I could feel so much blood in my head that my feet were cold. I must have been a positively toxic pink by the time the whole affair was over and I was free to book it up the stairs.

I got a lot of side comments like, "Watch out for the wall!" and, "Be careful of that bathroom!" as I went up the stairs. I know where the walls are thank you very much!

Everyone certainly got a kick out of it and I was ready to box Heather's ears for humiliating me. I didn't hear any stories about her! That could wait for tomorrow I guess.

It was pretty late when I finally went to sleep though. Gypsy said it was around eleven. I was definitely ready to crash, especially considering I had woken up at four. That was definitely easier said than done though. It was childish but I was scared to close my eyes. I hated having nightmares. I ended up lying on my bed for an hour just picturing a field of flowers until I finally managed to fall asleep.

It was dark and smelled clean, like it had been sterilized. I couldn't see anything. I was lying down. My clothes were papery. It was cold. People were coming and going but I couldn't see them. I was awake but I couldn't see them. I needed to go somewhere. I needed to see my dad. I needed to make sure he was alright. I started moving but was pressed back by invisible hands. They said I couldn't leave. The word suicide was echoing in my head, stilling my movements, making me sick. Suddenly I was thrashing. There was a bandage on my face. I couldn't see with it on and tried ripping it off. I needed to get to my dad. Something inside me hurt. I felt cold. I was making sound. It hurt my throat and was loud and violent. Was I screaming? Why was I screaming? The word suicide echoed again, taunting me. I resumed my thrashing and fell off the bed. I couldn't see anything and tried to tear of the bandages as I reached for the door. They were telling me I couldn't leave. I scratched at the invisible voices and searched for the door. I had to leave. I needed to see my dad. I felt a pinch in my arm and slapped at it. Something clattered to the floor but I couldn't see what it was. My bandages were half way off of my face but I couldn’t see. I couldn't see. I couldn't see my dad. Suicide, suicide, suicide, I passed out.

I woke up by tumbling to the floor in a swarm of blankets and groaned. I touched my freshly tenderized forehead gingerly and tried to untangle the rest of my limbs before I emptied my dinner on the floor.

I was a sweaty panting mess when I finally crawled out and I realized that Flapjacks was buried under my blankets. I quickly pat him as a way of apologizing but was more focused on finding my feet and getting upright. The blankness in my mind scared me. I was used to picturing my surrounding but I was still half way in my dream. I was still back in that hospital room swallowed by a blackness I could not escape, still not fully grown out of my fear of the dark. My knees were knocking together painfully as I shakily rose like a newborn fawn. My fingers were trembling and I traced my way from the bed to the door with my fingers.