Depravity

Serpent

I couldn't tell you the fires were beautiful, although there was something peaceful about them...about the scene in general.

"Isn't that fucked up? A scene of murder and arson is peaceful. I find peace in depravity." I said in a hushed voice.

I looked to Levi and nodded at a right angle. He nods and puts a finger in the air, rotating it in a circle and everyone disperses. Levi and I got back in the car and he started driving back to the garage.

"We're the last ones standing. They're really gone. We got West and East Raymon. You finally gon' give us a name?"

"Yeah." I replied. "We'll take the only name that makes sense. It doesn't matter if we killed them all for good or evil. We became murders, thieves, arsonists, and now rulers of the streets. This is Hell and we live in it. We own it, and own the sins of the ones we've slain. If this life and this world are Hell...we are the Demons."

When we got back to the garage the other twelve of our gang were waiting. I gave everyone a similiar speech to what I gave Levi. Some of the guys wanted to recruit more people. I immediately shot that down.

"We rule now. The sins we carry don't need to burden anyone else. We have 18 members for a reason. Three 6's. We all made the choice to become what we are and to take this city from the people poisoning it. We have it now, we don't need more to protect it. We just need to be above the influence and desires those before us fell to. Demons don't succumb to the temptations of man. We give them temptations and their desires.

Raymon had a desire for peace. We fulfilled it, and now...we maintain it. Dismissed."

"Sun's coming up Ira." Levi told me when the other guys are gone. "You should go see that girl at the café. You said we got peace. Ain't nothing stopping or getting in the way now."

"I don't know about that...may be. We have peace for now, but someone will threaten that. Threaten us. Besides she's not part of this life. All I would do is taint her purity."

"And she just might make you happy. Whatchu scared of bro?" He said as he leaves the garage.

Happiness is fleeting and no one can make you happy. If you depend on an external source for your happiness it becomes a crutch. You stop being able to to be happy when that person isn't around. That's unhealthy.

Frankly it's also unfair to that person. To make them responsible as the sole thing that can make you happy. Making them work for you to be happy. It's toxic behavior. Happiness is within. It's a treasure. You can find it in alot of things, but if you chase happiness you'll never truly be happy. Because it's also inconsistent, but if you find it in yourself and on your own, you'll find that it's never really that far.

If that's the case though, it begs the question..."Why am I not happy?"

Is it because I tend to live for other people? Is it because I feel like I'm surrounded by people that don't see the world the same as I do? Why?

I ended up driving to the café and sitting in the parking lot while I fished for the answer inside myself. I don't know why I ended up there to be honest. May be it was because I felt like my grayed vision couldn't see the answer. May be I thought if I saw the colors I could see the answer too.

When I looked up for the first time she was running to the door of the shop. It looked like she was late.

"Hurry up Grace! Customers are about to start coming! You got 10 seconds" A female voice from inside exclaimed.

"Okay! I'm already running!" She called back as she made it in the door.

"Grace, huh? The irony." I muttered to myself as I turned off the car and got out. I looked at my phone. 8 A.M. I walked to the door. When I got inside she was at the register.

"Extra cream and sugar?" She asked me.

"Mmh? Yeah." I responded.

"I knew it! I remembered you from yesterday." She says with a smile.

"Hey." I said attentively.

"Yeah?"

I looked in her eyes. "Why do you think some people don't know how to be happy?"

She looks down, smiles, then looks into my eyes...my soul and she asks, "Who are you?"

"Ira." I responded quickly.

"And who is that, what does it mean to be Ira?" She responded without missing a beat.

I hesitate. I didn't expect that. That wasn't apart of anything I had been thinking for the past hour.
"Ira is me, there are a lot of things that go into being me. I am a lot of things."

"Really? Were you always? Do you know what all of those things are? I think the reason why some people don't know how to be happy is because they don't really know who they are. And if you don't know who you are...how could you possibly know what makes you happy?"

"Happiness comes from within, external sources can't really make you happy. Not true happiness."

"Agreed." She responded. "But if happiness comes from within and you don't really know yourself...you wouldn't be able to be happy. If you don't know yourself, you don't know where that happiness is inside you."

I was speechless, the colors got brighter. My mind expanded.

"Here's your coffee." She said with a playful smirk.

"What time do you get off?" I asked.

"Three."

"I'll be back then." I said as I take a sip.

"Why?"

"Because I want to talk to you."

"Abouuut?" She said with that playful smile again.

"Everything and nothing." I said with my own smile.

"Okay, don't be late! Also my name is Grace."

"I know." I said as I walked away.

"How?" She called after me.

I turn around and smile at her. "Name tag."