From strangers to penguins

15

When I got home, I was immediately greeted by my dog. "Hi rocky." I cooed, leaning down to pet him. "LEXIE!" I heard my mom scream as she ran through the house and hugged me. A few minutes later my dad walked out and embraced me in a hug.

"Dinners will be done in five minutes." He told me and I nodded, walking through the house to put my bags in my room. When I opened the door, I looked around at the darkness. I walked over and plugged in my fairy lights and looked around at all of the cheer trophies and letters from friends in the corner. The corner of the girl who once was. I admired the tapestries and band posters all around my room and then changed into pajama shorts but kept Devs hoodie on, when I heard my dad yell for dinner.

I sauntered into the kitchen, when Ashton, my brother, walked over to me. He gave me a side hug and mumbled miss you before sitting in his spot. Dinner consisted of talk about school, Christmas, and some miscellaneous small talk. I stayed quite for the majority of it, and barely ate, but nobody dared to ask me about it. When dinner was over my mom began cleaning up the table and I excused myself to my room, Rocky following behind me. 

When I got to my room, Ashton ran up to me, blocking my door. "If you need me tonight, or at all, just let me know." I tried to give him a small smile as he pulled me into a hug. "Love you sis." He told me, and then he walked away.

 I laid in bed listening to his favorite music, and waited for the clock to turn to midnight. As soon as it did I grabbed a little box with a piece of paper. I changed the record to the first vinyl that Dev and I ever listened to . I walked back to my bed and flipped the hood to his hoodie up, wrapped myself in the blanket he gave me and cuddled the stuffed animal he got me from build a bear. Rocky climbed up onto the bed, and rested his head on my side as I read the letter.

"Dear Bunny, before I met you, I didn't know what happiness felt like. But then you came into my life, and everything changed. You taught me what happiness was and you taught me what love was. You learned everything that I went through, and you still chose to be with me. You stole my heart, and it will forever be yours. I love you baby. I love you from this life to the next, and one day we will be together again. I'm sorry that I cant finish this life with you. Forever and Always, Dev."

I folded it back up, and held it close to my heart, standing up to go look at the polaroids on my wall. I looked over all of the picture of Devin and I. Us at the skatepark, school, competitions, the woods, bed, everywhere. I let the memories flood my head as I walked back over to my bed. I cuddled into Rocky, and cried into his fur, thoughts of Devin running through my mind, until everything went black.

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I woke up the next morning to my door creaking open. "Hey Lexie." I heard Andy whisper as he walked in and shut the door behind him. I hid myself deeper into my blanket as I heard him walk closer to me, sitting on the end of my bed. "I brought you coffee." He said, knowing he wouldn't get a response. I felt the bed move under me as he got comfortable, settling into a silence. I adjusted my position and fell back asleep. 

"Hey hunny." Kristy's voice woke me from my sleep. "I brought you some soup." I rolled myself into a tighter ball, and I felt her climb into bed behind me. "Come on Lexie, you need to eat." She mummbled as she rubbed my back. I started moving and Andy and Kristy appeared on either side of me, helping me sit up. I slowly sipped at the soup as they both sat in silence with me. When I couldn't eat anymore, I laid back down. 

"You want to watch tv?" Andy asked, and I nodded slightly as he turned it on and found a movie for us to watch. We laid on my bed all day, as they watched tv and I cried drifting in and out of sleep. My family came in on and off to see if I was okay, knowing that there was nothing they could do.

It was the same thing for the past three years. His death day comes, and I read his note. I spend all night and day crying, and they all stay with me to make sure that im okay, or at least as okay as I can be. And then when everyone leaves me alone for the night, except for Kristy. She always stays with me.

When it was just Kristy and I left in the room, we walked over to the window and climbed out to sit on my roof. I started chain smoking and we sat in silence for the first half hour. When I was on my second cup of vodka, I looked at Kristy.

"I broke up with Cayden." I told her and then looked back towards the backyard. She stayed silent, taking a drink. I finished another cup, and Kristy went back to my room to fill it again and grab me another pack of cigarettes. I knew she was diluting it with sprite but I didn't have the energy to argue with her.

"I miss him." I mumbled as she returned. 

"Who?" She asked me as I leaned my head on her shoulder. I sat there and thought about it for a second.

"Both of them." I told her, and we stayed silent for the rest of the night, staying out there until all of my cigarettes and alcohol were gone. We laid down on my bed, and I spoke into the night knowing she was listening.

"I don't even know my own name, but I still remember Devin and everything about him. Why can't I just forget him for a minute." I slurred out and I felt her embrace me as I cried.