A Guide to the Beginning Fan Work Author

Style Expanded: The Story and Characters

Imagine a fantasy, medieval world. A prince has finally found his princess after she was stolen away by an evil warlord. He has slain the evil warlord and throws down his sword as his princess runs up to him. She throws herself into his arms and he holds her tight. Leaning close, he whispers one thing in her ear...

"What's good, baby girl?"

Unless you're writing some romantic comedy or parody, that doesn't add up. You wouldn't expect a prince from the 16th century saying something like that in a serious fantasy story or if the prince is a serious character. Sounds like something a Gen Z kid would say sliding into a DM. 

This leads up to a very simple rule:

Know your characters and setting. 

For an example, a child will not say curse words, unless in a comedy show or story aimed at teens and adults. If you have a serious girl, she will not crack jokes constantly. Comedic characters will not be very serious unless revealing a heavy aspect of the character they don't show often.

In fan works, this is called keeping it in character. For characters that are serious, them being lovey dovey with another character is something that is hard to express while keeping them in character. For anime fans, you wouldn't expect Edward from Fullmetal Alchemist to call Winry "sugar bunny." He'd probably call her something simple and common like sweetheart or babe. Sugar bunny is something Maes Hughes would say to his wife.

In the case of setting, a person from the Roarin' 20s would not talk like one from the Renaissance. For a smaller example, compare how people talk during a party vs. a funeral. People  would talk quieter at a funeral and the air is given a sense of somberness and loss. A party is way more lively and cheerful. It would be inappropriate to be laughing at a funeral and weird to be crying at a party. 

Unless it's established that a character has a different side they show to someone very special to them, keep them in character. For example, one of my own characters is a serious woman at all times. The only exception is when she is with her youngest brother, whom she babies and jokes with.  

In short, mind the setting, characters, and their personality.