My Thoughts

Insignificant words

Maybe i will never know what really goes on around me. I should stop asking questions and live in the moment
As I sit outside of my dad's house smoking cheap Mexican cigarettes, i keep thinking, " Life is about joyful insignificant moments."
I realized i never really lived or enjoyed life at my fullest. I keep getting stuck.  The thing is i never realized i am living those moments and let them pass.
I don't really consider myself an artist but i wish i could be, so i could keep a file of my insignificant life. ( side note this sentence doesn't really make any sense.)
Moving on, going back to those moments is just like a picture. There is no motion just a plain picture. The only thing you remember is the emotion and the feeling.
Recently i keep going back to the moment i was saying goodbye to my now ex-girlfriend. Its  just like a picture, my hands on her cheeks and my lips on her forehead. That was the last time i kissed her and hugged her. I didn't know that was going to be our last goodbye. That things weren't that easy as we thought they would be. ( By the way she cheated on me. That fucking bi*ch.)
That moment or that feeling when you get flashbacks of the reasons you should had let go is when you are finally moving on.
Now I'm sitting here writing this, insignificant words that no longer matter to her or anyone. Letting go of those pictures that are now memories and there are left with no feeling behind it.
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Insignificant words. I write a lot of them. Letters, words and sentences. No meaning just words. I am repeating "words" a lot aren't I? For me writing is a form of expressing. Expressing how i feel or just trying to understand what is going on inside my head.
I don't have enough vocabulary so i repeat a lot. I don't use big ass intelligent words. I just say what i think on a blank page. Weird, right? It's like talking to yourself on a piece of paper. You just think and write cause a page can't really judge you. Well only yourself that is if you tend to judge yourself.
For example I am going to insult myself right now, " I am so stupid." It's simple and true. ( laughs ) There are so many combinations of words and so many ways you can use them. You can turn into a book, poem, song, or even a letter. For me what counts is the way you use them, or express them. When you want to yell in a text you use capitol letters or explanation points. Like, "SHUT UP" or "Hey!". Simple right? Not really because people criticize your writing. 
I like reading and writing its an escape from the real world. I am always in my little bubble though. There is that constant feeling, a longing of something that i don't understand fully. Wanting to be recognized but not criticize. So i hid them or keep them saved in my notepad. Where everything is forgotten. Somewhere people don't look.
Funny right? I am a joke. Talking or i must say writing to myself. I am a funny person who has untouchable dreams. Photographer, writer, or in this case a nobody. One day though, but for now I will keep dreaming.