Every Dream BoyxBoy ON HOLD

Chapter one; Normal life.

His face had filled my every dream for years, blank yet loving. There but not there, it was a terrifying pattern to be dreaming of a guy you didn't know. But every night when I went to bed, he was there to comfort me; I could tell him everything that had happened, anything that I had felt during the day. I knew he couldn't possibly tell anyone. I looked forward to my dreams every lousy day I had. I knew that every time I needed someone to lift me up, all I had to do was close my eyes and his voice would fill my head.

I wasn't your average seventeen-year-old boy, as you can imagine. The fact I had reoccurring dreams about a boy I didn't know and shoat comfort in his voice. I was more girly than I was willing to admit, but that probably had to do with the fact I was a closeted gay guy faking being the school bad boy. I knew if I came out, I'd lose everything I've worked to gain. I realize that sounds beyond vain, but I'm not ready to come out and be hated on. Honestly, I'm a sensitive soul, I just don't know if I could really take it even with the help of my dreams.

I didn't have any friends to stand up for me if I came out either. If I came out, I would be even more alone then I am right now. At least at the moment, people either respect me or fear me. If I came out as a fairy, I would just be another target for everyone. And trust me they would be able to get away with it our principle is a major homophobe. No one has come out of the closet at my school without getting expelled shortly after since he came to our school. So I wasn't planning on coming out of the closet anytime soon. In all actuality, I might just stay in the closet forever; it's quite cozy. I might be lonely, but at least I'm alone and safe instead of alone and beat up. No, the closet was for me. I liked being secretive. To me, it was a way of life. Being out and open was a foreign territory that I had no plans on exploring.

School started tomorrow, it would be the first day of my last year stuck in this town. The last year before I could be somewhat open and get a boyfriend provided, of course, that I got into a college with an excellent active LGBT community. I mean, I might manage to have an affair of sorts at any college, but if I don't get into the right college, I won't come out. I don't know how I can manage to make it through college without any love or any kind of sexual encounter. More so the sexual encounters, I'm a teenage boy we don't function well without something sexual going on. I guess in short, I'm trying to say that I'm getting pretty sexually frustrated, looking at all the hot boys around me who walk around shirtless and not being able to do shit about it. Technically I could do something, but I don't want to get expelled or be beat up, so I'm left with my dreams and my fantasies.

Pulling out of my thoughts, which were getting kind of depressing, to be honest, I grabbed my iPod and put One Last Breath by Creed on and let the music take me away.

Hold me now. I'm six feet from the edge, and I'm thinking...

Maybe six feet ain't so far down

I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me

But I still believe there's something left for me.

My breath started to even out as I let my dreams take over. They were the only place that I could be happy. The only place I had someone who understood everything about me. The only place there was something left.