Our Biggest Mistakes | ✔

It's nearing sundown, and Arthur is once again drowned in his own thoughts alone. This may have been the most intimate day he's ever had with Merlin. The gentle touches that could be questioned if labeled platonic, the glances only the other would notice, the overwhelming jokes that made him feel good and Merlin going soft, if only for a moment.

In all honesty, though, Arthur was no stranger to Merlin's soft side. On countless travels where Arthur could've possibly died, Merlin had nearly cried over him and had vowed to protect him and had promised to be by his side even if it meant he had to be sacrificed for anything at all.

Arthur would never sacrifice Merlin. Under any circumstance. This clotpole promises to stay by his side? Then he'll stay by his side. Physically and emotionally.

"I'm in love with him." Arthur whispers. The words finally being spoken out loud to himself give him relief yet all over again it feels like a burden. Finally, he had admitted to himself that he had fallen for his best friend, and finally, the burden on his back weighed down even heavier than before.

"Knock knock, done with the laundry." Merlin opens the door, kicking it closed behind him as he adjusts the basket of newly-clean clothes in his arms.

"I'm in love with you." Arthur blurts. The burden presses harder, and the relief becomes more relieving. No going back.

There's a tight pause, tension building in the room in a matter of seconds. "I'm . . . not M'Lady, Sire."

"Merlin." Arthur breathes out, turning to face his manservant. "I. Am. In. Love. With. You." He says each word at a time, pointing right at him. Merlin huffs a smile, shaking his head like this is just some sick joke. But he knows this isn't a sick joke. This is the sick truth. He puts the laundry basket down slowly, his face increasing in disbelief and disapproval.

"Arthur, you can't be." He says, putting a hand up as he regains his straight posture.

Arthur crosses his arms over his chest. His eyes narrow. "But I do anyway."

"No, Arthur, I mean it literally. You cannot be." Merlin gets frustrated real quick, his eyebrows furrowing. "This can't happen. You can't love me. You mustn't love me."

"Why?" Arthur steps a foot closer. "Because you love me too and if we do something we both want it'll feel like we're violating a law so we don't deserve the happiness we've been seeking for for years?"

Merlin's lips tighten and his glare hardens. A minute passes, and they're both staring at each other, Arthur completely indifferent and Merlin on the verge of a panic attack. But in a flash, however, the ravenette straightens his back and relaxes his face.

In a quiet, chilling tone, he says, "Exactly."

Arthur is a bit taken aback by that response to be quite honest, but he certainly doesn't let that show. "So you love me too."

"Maybe I do."

"Merlin."

"Arthur."

Silence seeps back in, slowly burning both men's insides. They both hate this tension, this staring contest, this internal battle within themselves, trying to pick between happiness for themselves of keeping everyone else in order.

"I love you, Merlin." Arthur says, softly, luring Merlin to him. Merlin almost falls for it. Almost falls for him for the millionth time since he's met him.

"Don't." Merlin backs up, knocking his head against the door. "Arthur, if I end up kissing you, it's going to be the end of order in this kingdom. Everyone will go mad because their king fell for a man, and a for serving man no less. You need to think straight."

"Merlin," Arthur slumps slightly, letting his arms fall to his sides, expressing his vulnerability. "I love you."

"I love you, too,  Arthur. And those are mistakes on both our ends."

Merlin turns to leave, to process this conversation. Is Arthur drunk? Did a sneaky sorcerer try to kill him slowly again? Before he can answer those questions, however, Arthur is close to him, holding his forearm with the tenderness and affection a person shows to their lover.

Oh god, Merlin can feel himself melt.

"I love you." Arthur mutters, and that's it. Merlin snaps. He presses himself into Arthur, his free arm wrapping around his neck to pull him close and to let their lips collide.  Arthur releases his arm and wraps his own around Merlin's waist. Finally, something to love and to hold.

Their kiss is overwhelming--messy and desperate. For years, they've wanted this. For years, they wanted to kiss every inch of each other and hold each other because their lives depended on the fact that, one day, they could possibly be doing what they're doing now.

And that's what wakes Merlin up from his Arthur-induced trance. He pulls back out of the blue, shoving Arthur away in the process. "Oh, Christ." He breathes out, pressing himself harder onto the chamber doors, hoping to turn into a blob and seep away forever. He looks at the king, tears burning the back of his eyes, threatening to spill. "Arthur . . . No. We can't do this. I can't do this."

He turns and grips the door handle, ready to rip open the door and bolt, but instead, he lets the silence drown him as he thinks of his final words.

"You fell in love with me, Arthur Pendragon, as I did you.

"And those are our biggest mistakes."

And with that, Merlin Emrys opens the door and walks out, leaving a stunned-silent King Arthur in his chambers to think of their shared mistake.