I'm Still Here

Wake Up Call

January 2017

Susanna's POV

I took an idle sip from the glass of wine in my hand lost in my thoughts. I rested my chin on my raised knees staring into the fire I had started once the sun had gone down. I swear it was like I couldn't get warm. Stephanie was still pissed at me for the other day at the bakery. I swore if she told me one more time I had a problem I was going to flip my shit. The holidays had been tougher than I imagined. I'd handled them how I thought I needed to. Luke had been the only one who had made sense.

I winced thinking about the huge argument between Brantley and I on Christmas Eve which was horrible. I was out of the sleeping pills I got months ago and refused to get anymore. Red wine did the job most days. That or the rare night I slept in Brantley's arms. Well depended on who was checking on me that particular day. Like didn't they realize it was predictable now. The never ending guilt was eating me alive. I turned the glass up finishing it off feeling the warmth spreading through my veins getting lost watching the dancing flames.

So lost in thought I didn't hear the door open or close never realizing I wasn't alone until the couch dipped. Knew it was someone with a key because I'd locked up when I got home from the bakery. An arm wrapped around my neck pulling me back into a warm chest. Shiver going down my spine when lips brushed my ear. Cool nose brush against my cheek. Guess it had gotten colder outside after dark.

"What you in such deep thought about Suzie Q?'' Brantley murmured pressing a kiss to my cheek. He laid his chin on my shoulder as I turned my head looking at him. Green eyes narrowed at the empty glass in my hand. I sighed leaning over to sit it on the table by the couch before leaning back. An absent sigh slipped past his lips. Here we go again. "I'm tired of having this argument with you darlin. So damn tired of having it."

"Then stop bringing it up," I snapped feeling my gut churn at the haunted look in his eyes. I put that there. Me. The woman who claimed to love him. I lifted my hands covering my face. "I can't do this tonight B. Just one time. Swear it's all we do anymore. I can't tell you the last time I got an actual smile from you. Don't even know why you keep coming by. You have no reason to."

"You know why," he snarled gruffly. He closed his eyes with a tired sigh leaning against the back of the couch slumping down kicking his boots up on the coffee table. A wry chuckle slipped out making me raise an eyebrow at him. "Guess I'm gonna be wrong in hoping there is one of those death by chocolate cakes you make sitting in the kitchen?"

"Huh?" I asked distractedly blinking away the slight buzz I had going. Guess I should have chosen the hidden bottle of Jack stuck in a big bag of sugar I kept in the pantry. Only Stephanie might be the one who discovered that one. A defeated sigh sounded from the man beside me as he closed his eyes. Other than his sweet tooth I was trying to think of why I'd have his favorite cake on hand. Then it hit me. I covered my face with a groan feeling tears well in my eyes. "Shit B. I am so, so sorry."

"It's fine Suzie Q," he muttered smothering a yawn. He had been on the road doing radio tour for the new album coming out next week. An album even though there was an advanced copy laying on my desk in the den, I was still hesitant to listen to. Man wrote about what he knew so made me afraid in some ways. "Just another day..."

I stopped him with a finger on his lips. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I crawled into his lap seeing his eyes widened. Been a while since I had made the first move. I pressed my lips to his taking him by surprise kissing him deeply. Felt a slight grimace against my lips knowing he tasted the red wine I had been drinking. Knew he wasn't happy with me over it. But I couldn't take it back at the moment. Big hands gripped my hips teasing the edges of my sweatshirt while I deepened the kiss just wanting to feel something other than sadness or anger for a little while. I broke the kiss with a gasp laying my forehead against Brantley's raising my hands to cup his face.