I'm Still Here

What We Think We Want

May 2017

Susanna's POV

I groggily felt myself coming up from the dredges of the exhausted sleep I had slipped into during the early hours of the morning. The last few months had been life changing and a learning process in many ways. I'd started it out on my own in a few ways because it had to be up to me to get better not anyone else. Then when sleep was eluding me and Stephanie was swearing I was trying out to be an extra for The Walking Dead, I'd shamefully tried to slip into old habits.

The end result had been me parked firmly on a tour bus the days of the week Brantley wasn't in town. Stephanie had ear tugged me off my couch and onto the gleaming black bus parked in the middle of the street making Ben almost roll with laughter. PJ was kind enough to film it for prosperity meaning it was sent to Sadie and Luke after he quit laughing. Daddy and I both had been doing grief counseling. It was helping. Had to remind myself things like this took time and I had all the support I needed.

Pushing the comforter away from my face, I stuck my arm out yawning and reaching for my phone. I noticed the new emails awaiting me. One from one of our suppliers caused my eyes to roll. But one had a gasp bubble out as I jerked clicking on it. What in the world could this be about? The iron grip around my waist shifted as a rough groan sounded near my ear. Long leg shifted being thrown over my hip pinning me deeper into the bed.

"Baby girl," Brantley murmured drowsily in my ear. That rough morning voice making me shiver. Don't think I would ever get tired of hearing it. "Why are you even awake? This is the first morning in two weeks there hasn't been anyone pounding on the side of the bus eagerly trying to find out what you made for breakfast. The only thing keeping Ben from scaling the fence since we are home is that he has missed Steph. PJ was bitching the other day that his jeans are getting tight."

"I know," I chuckled even though my mind was racing at the words written in that email. Fear was flowing through my veins. There was no easy answer to the question asked in it. I looked over my shoulder at the relaxed face knowing if I hushed he would drift back to sleep. "He was grumbling the other night. Asked him if I needed to make healthy pancakes for him. Would hate for a fan girl to get past him mauling you."

"More like have to lock you on the bus again," he drawled pressing a kiss to the back of my neck as I tensed up. I really shouldn't have had the reaction I did that night. Wasn't my place in some ways. I mean technically we weren't together. But we'd quickly fallen into old habits the last few months. "Walked off stage that night to him snickering saying "Boss, Cupcake was madder than hell at ol girl flashing those double D's at you."

"I shouldn't have been like that," I sighed my phone weighing a million pounds in my hand. Closing my eyes, I willed the unsure tears away. "Don't have any...."

"If you say you don't have any right to feel that way Susanna Grace," Brantley growled lowly in my ear pulling me closer than I already was. "I'm going to smack your ass. Is it you laying in my arms right now? Yes, mam it is. There is no one else I want here. Haven't wanted anyone else here. Has the last two years been a roller coaster pain in the ass? Yes they have, but baby, still hasn't changed how I feel about you."

"Before you finish your little speech," I sighed sitting up. I looked down at him passing my phone over. "You need to read that."

Brantley studied me for a minute then took the phone from my outstretched hand. Saw his sleepy eyes read over the email I'd received. His lips flattened into a thin line raising an eyebrow.

"Ma petite my ass," he growled still reading. "Can I put a bullet in his frenchiefied ass for even using that name for you? Think he needs a good ass kicking to remind him not to tread on another man's woman." I gasped at his words even though I knew he meant them. What surprised me was when he sat up nonchalantly handing me my phone back. A slow kiss pressed to my lips before rolling away to climb out of bed. His black UGA shorts dipping on his hips as he stretched making. I was too surprised at his response to appreciate the ripple of muscles and ink. Brantley looked over his shoulder at my dropped jaw. "Wanting you to help launch the bakery chain he is planning in Europe. It's an amazing opportunity baby."