Speak in a roudabout way

Chapter 3: A time for talking, forgiving and leaving

Pregnant.

But... Why...? I'm not... I shouldn't... Kakashi has...

A child. A little boy or girl. Another sacrifice for this world. Thrown into the devil's den, to the wolves, to the unforgiving shinobi who wouldn't hesitate to kill a child.

A child. In this world. In this fucked up, goddamn world.

Will he or she have my eyes or his?

Pregnant. Me. I never thought... Never believed...

How will Kakashi react?

Like a puppet you thanked Tsunade, grabbed your bag and walked slowly out of the office. Your head was dark, still wondering and questioning yourself, turning the revelation over and over again, but your feet were automatically carrying you out of the hospital and into the streets. Above you shone the bright fall sun, crumpled leaves crunched beneath your feet, all the while you mindlessly wandered around, not knowing where to go and not really wanting to go back to your lonely flat, where nobody waited for you.

No Kakashi. Neither in his cat form or his human body. No one waited.

Unconsciously your hand flew to your covered stomach. Was it your imagination or did something flutter beneath your fingertips, soft and tender like the wings of a butterfly?

You're the only one with me, huh?

It was too early. There was no way you would be able to feel something from the fetus, not this early in your pregnancy. Nevertheless you continued to feel your own lower belly for any kind of foreign movement, hoping for and just as much fearing any kind of motion.

A child. A little Kakashi, a little (Y/N), mixed traits and mixed characteristics. Anxiously you straightened the edges of your shirt, then tried to retract your hand from the very suspicious place of your lower belly, but the stubborn limb wasn't obeying the orders. It stayed there, rubbing absent-mindedly the skin underneath the fabric, caressing the unknowing life inside of you.

What will Kakashi say? Will he be accepting? Will he be happy? Or will he be... angry? Disappointed? Disgusted?

Suddenly your vision blurred and your free hand rose to wipe the fresh tears away. For a second the liquid lingered on your skin, but then you dried them off. There never had been time for such a serious conversation. The first months after you two became a thing were spent in an idle lovey-dovey state, filled with whispered words, secretly shared smiles and long, dragged out sex. Then Tsunade remembered Kakashi's duty again and started to send him on more missions. First only three days, then five or six. Days became weeks, easy missions became harder and the results would end more often than not in a gruesome mess, leaving Kakashi and new cracks in his emotionless masks behind. You still worked at the T&I, still took on missions when your schedule allowed it and still the time you were able to spend with him lessened significantly. And when he was in Konoha, he would mostly only stay for a night, at most a day or two, then Kakashi was on the road again, dirtying his hands for the sake of the next generation, soaking his fingers in blood, bearing the hate of thousands of enemies so the children protected by the walls of the village wouldn't be threatened further.

When he was in Konoha, you mostly only saw a shadowy silhouette in the night. A hoarse voice, whispering sweet nothings or short stories about his missions, not even the most important details. His body, pressing into yours, a black and a red eye blinking in the darkness, hands grabbing your waist and pulling you closer into his cold front.

Anything closely affiliated to a future together, to a shared flat or a home, to marriage or children never came up. You had no idea how Kakashi thought about those things, had no idea how he would react when you would tell him one of those things was on the way, a small little bundle of... of...