We're all lost

Chapter 1

I am trying my best. I'm trying to get through life in one piece. It's harder than you might think. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've lost my goals and my will to live. My final year of high school starts tomorrow and I don't think that I want to do this anymore. I don't want to do anything but sit in my room and wallow in my own filth, I feel as if there's a huge gaping hole in my chest. I feel like I can't breathe. I'm useless and disgusting, I tell myself over and over again as I sit on the floor in my bathroom.

I start clawing at my wrists desperate to feel any physical pain and distract myself from the emotional pain which is much worse. I claw at my wrists until you can see the claw marks on them until my flesh is red and pink until my fingers are sore. I pick up the razor from the ground, I feel the cold blades on my skin- " Dana! You're taking so long I need to pee!" Layla screams. " I'm almost done Layla, calm down." I try to keep my voice steady.

I put the razor away I wash and dry my face. Making sure I don't look like I've been crying. As soon as I unlock the door Layla comes barging in, " Dana, You take so damn long in the bathroom, get out before I piss my pants." I roll my eyes and I walk out of the bathroom. I lay down on my bed thoughts swirling in my head, slowly I drift off to sleep the world turning black. I dream I dream of strange faces with no eyes, "You're disgusting you deserve to die." they laugh at me.

I wake up to light streaming into my bedroom sweating slightly. I'm not ready to face the day, then again when am I ever ready. I get up from underneath my amazingly warm covers, and I get ready for school emotionally and physically. I put my earphones in and turn the music up all the way to drown out all of my negative thoughts and off to school I go. As soon as I step through the front gates my body just wants to turn around and run away, but in life, we can't always get what we want. So I make my body cooperate and join the hoards of bodies that are making their way inside the jail that everybody calls Sun Creek high. Don't get me wrong most of the teachers are nice, but the biggest problems are the students.

They are bratty, bitchy and just overall horrible, well except for my one, friend Lily. She's the one person who I can talk to, the one I'd do anything for and I know she would do the same for me. She's the complete opposite of me, she's the peppy one who is always invited to all the parties, While I'm basically the poster girl for teen angst.- "Dana! Girl! Dana!" Lily waves frantically. I hear her but I keep quiet, gosh this girl is too much.

Who is this energetic at 8 am? A few seconds later I feel someone wack me upside the head. I look up about to give whoever it was a piece of my mind, "What the hell- Lilly!" I exclaim. She looks at me innocently " You weren't answering me so I had to do something." "You're insufferable." "But you love me!" She counteracts. "Whatever." I roll my eyes. "If you keep rolling your eyes like that one day they're gonna get lodged at the back of your head." I roll my eyes again. I walk to my locker and she stops to speak to one of her thousand and one friends.

Just as I finish getting my books out of my locker the bell rings. First period is Math, wow how amazing I think sarcastically. Most of the day goes by in a blur. I can barely concentrate I am so tired. I spend all of my breaks in the library, the only place I feel safe, where I feel like I belong. I sit among all of the books so many opportunity's to escape the shitty real world, and be whatever you want, do whatever you want without any consequences. I get home and as soon as I walk in the door I greet my mom and dad and into my room I go. I try finishing my assignments but my mind won't let me, I keep thinking how disgusting I am, how stupid I am, how ugly I am. I finally give in. I put my computer down and I go to my mirror.

I look at myself. I am disgusting, so many pimples on my face; my cheeks, my forehead, everywhere. My forehead is so huge I hate it. I pinch my cheeks, I am so ugly. I study myself more until I can't bear to look at my face anymore I lift my t-shirt up I have so much fat, so many stretch marks... my thighs are huge. I have cellulite, so much of it. I can't bear to look at myself anymore. I turn away tears falling down my face.

I was so preoccupied in obsessing over my body that I didn't hear my mom saying the guests are here. I sit on my bed picturing my disgusting face and body over and over again, how could anyone love someone like me. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear the footsteps coming closer to my room. Suddenly my room door swung open. I didn't have enough time to react, to wipe the tears off my face. When suddenly a man in his early 20s walked into my room.

I hope you enjoyed it and forget to comment!

Question of the day;

What do you think of Dana?

Bye, loves

Mina