Starry Night

twenty-six

My father speeds the entire way home and heads straight for my parents' bedroom without saying a word. It's as if he can't get away from us fast enough. Fine by me. I don't have anything I want to say to him. I don't want to fight. I don't want to make up.

At this point, I never want to see his face again.

With Damon on my heels, I climb up the stairs and shut the door to my room so hard, one of my glow-in-the-dark stars falls off the ceiling. It's weird to be back here. This used to be a safe space, but now it feels tainted. Everything smells weird. Dusty and artificial. I think I was out in the wild for too long, because this feels like a prison, not a sanctuary. Damon is the only happy thing in this apartment. At least she seems to have missed me.

It's one in the morning, and I'm in that weird state of being exhausted but not tired. I can't even look at my wall calendars. Summer is a disaster, and right now, instead of helping me stay calm, they are a reminder of everything that's gone wrong. So I busy myself with what I can control, steadily unpacking my gear. And I'm in the process of making a pile of dirty clothes to take to the washer when I hear a soft knock on my door.

"It's open," I say flatly.

Eomma's face appears in the doorway. "Can I come in for a second?"

"How am I going to stop you?"

She sighs, closes the door behind her, and sits on the bed next to my backpack. "I know you're angry with us right now."

"You have to admit, I have pretty good reasons to be."

Dark circles hand beneath her eyes. "And we've got reasons to be angry with you, too. You lied to me, Suzy. When we talked a couple of days ago, you could have told me you were with Jungkook."

"Did you already know?"

She fiddles with a zipper on my backpack. "Seolhyun's mom called me. Apparently, Seolhyun came home early with Park Bogum, but she didn't tell her mother that they'd abandoned you and Jungkook in the national park. The glamping compound got in touch with Mrs. Kim, and they're the ones who informed her what actually happened. Kicked out for stealing wine?"

"I wasn't a part of that plan," I argue. Mostly. "It was Bogum's idea."

Eomma sighs and shakes her head. "Regardless, the glamping compound's phone call poked holes in Seolhyun's story, and that's when Seolhyun admitted that they left you and Jungkook. Mrs. Kim called me in a panic, a couple hours before I heard from you. Your dad wasn't here, so I went next door and talked to the Jeons."

I groan quietly.

"Yeaaahh," Eomma drawls, and then gives me a tight smile. "It stung to find out that they knew you were on the trip. Jungkook had told them, but you hadn't told me. It made me feel like a bad parent."

"I didn't know before I left, honestly. I knew . . ." I hesitate, but what's the point of lying anymore? "I knew Bogum and the others would be there. But I didn't realize Jungkook was coming until we were leaving."

"But you obviously made up with him. That wasn't a friendly kiss."

"No, it wasn't."

She sniffles. "I always knew it would be a matter of time before your friendship changed. The way he looked at you. The way you looked at him . . ."

"What's so wrong about that? You should be happy. You used to like Jungkook."

"I still do. Quite a bit, actually."

"Then what's the problem?"

She doesn't answer, just pets Damon, who's jumped onto the bed and is trying to insert herself into the conversation.