All of the Tears I Shed For You

•update-apr. 2019•

hey guys i know i don't update
look at that
no surprise there

anyways i'm so sorry and i just seem to never find the time to update or write in general.

lately i've been interested in editing (photo and video) also arts and crafts along with the writing class that i'm in. in my class i'm writing my own novel that will be published later this spring so that's exciting :-3

due to all of these distractions i haven't been able to find the attention span in myself to write because over time writing becomes boring, ideas disappear and it happens to all of us i know that for sure. so as soon as i start to get my priorities together i'll start writing again. i really enjoy it and i miss it very much but ever time i get on a writing/publishing kick i get over it very quickly which is unfortunate but i've been trying hard lately to stick to my work rather than procrastinate, which i do constantly. i'm getting better :) i'm getting there :)

thanks for even reading my books and stories! i literally just write them to jot down my ideas before they disappear. of course most my works are fan fictions but even then, i just love imaging what could have happened with these characters and how i could change them and their thoughts... just so cool. truly extraordinary thing to do, and in fictional stories you create your own characters and plots and everything is just up to you and i feel so free when i write because i feel like i can do anything i want with an unlimited choice of words and i can craft and shape my story in any way i want without others criticizing or destroying my foundation and build up of my story. it makes me feel free and i miss writing in my free time.

i remember in seventh grade through some of eighth grade, i would write non-stop on the bus ride to and from school and after school... i miss it so much. i miss the feeling of creativity and endlessly flowing ideas. i just couldn't seem to stop writing. of course in the end it didn't work well and it wasn't the best work but i felt impressed with myself because everything was so new and i was introduced to so many cool and amazing things that i could use in my writing and i miss it and i remember how i felt when i wrote. i felt like i had a purpose and i was doing my job in life and it didn't seem like "work" or a "job". i didn't feel like i was being forced or that i should hurry to complete the next chapter i just felt like whenever i finished a part of my story or writing that i fulfilled my day of writing and that i put all of my feelings down. in a way it could have been a daily journal, if you think about it.

i never really liked journaling when i grew up. i got a journal from my baptism and i never wrote one word in it. (my excuse was that it was "too pretty" to write in) and i also was gifted one from my grandma on my last birthday and i promised her that i would write in it; and i did....sort of often.. to be honest i wrote in it every day at the beginning of the school year, then with most things i do i became sheepish and i would forget on certain days to write in it and it came to my attention that if i don't write down what i'm feeling, that i could lose those feelings forever and i wouldn't be able to remember how i felt in that moment. without that, i feel like later in life when i try to remember my life as a kid or a teenager that i would forget. and that is my least favorite word: forget
because sadly, it's the thing i do the most.