I have spent this life in the pits and in the skies. I've fallen down, i've bled, I've screamed and i've watched tables turn in unexpected times. The woman i am now is the woman i always wanted to be. What i didn't know was that i would have to give...
The rain pours down on this city flooded with lights. Little children tear the pages from their notebooks, make ships, leave them in the puddles to swim, to be free, then clap at the journey of those little pieces of art, and wait for them to sink in the water. The papers get numb until their existence eventually vanishes in the running streams. The cars go faster than they normally do. Cats and dogs hide in the shades while birds stay safe under the leaves. Everything is new and the dust that once covered the doors and windows of houses is nowhere to be seen.
I stare at the sky, then close my eyes and wait for the rain to do its magic.
The cold water slides down my cheeks, little drops fall on my face and splash. My clothes are wet, my feet are numb with cold, my eyes are red and my whole body is tired but i have no mood of getting up, and walking all the way back to the house. It's been two hours and i still haven't had a full look at the charms nature has left for me. I hear the sound of a little dog as it tries to move under a shade that is too small for it. Two years ago, i would have loved to help that little creature but here i am watching it struggle as i play with the bruise on my arm.
The rain didn't stop that day. I stared at the silent park for another 30 minutes, the dog got tired and went away, the trees got sick of the rain and little children ran out of paper. The paint on the walls lost the war and poured with the water but my mind seemed to be blank and my body felt like a stranger.
I stare at the wet screen of my mobile while Ally's text stares back at me. I shut it back off. It's time, i tell myself, to go back.
I get up, my feet and legs are so numb i find it difficult to walk. Rocky pathway of the park ends on the deserted concrete road that i cross to enter the narrow street that leads to the ramshackle and decaying spot i am forced to call my home. The wooden door seems as if it'll collapse any moment and the ruined wood of the windows waits for someone to replace it with new and use it in fireplaces. As i slide open the door i can hear it screaming. Closing the door behind, i look around as if expecting something new. The couches, that have been there since i was 4, the T.V with the broken screen, the rugs that have never, in 3 years, been washed await for me, as always. The wallpaper is falling off from the corners and water is making the work easier for it.
I walk silently to my room, lock the door and let my body fall on the bed. Lying on my bed, i stare at the ceiling and think about all the faces and all the tracks i've left behind. The whole story of my life flashes before my eyes. The good, the bad, the cries, the laughs, the sobs and the troubles, the weaknesses and the mistakes, the middle school, the high school, and how everything broke apart. How i never learned to accept this broken path. How i always wished to run away from this room, this house, these crowded streets, and settle somewhere else. Somewhere nicer. Somewhere new. Somewhere i could be proud of.
Peace starts to chirp, it might be cold. I get up and look at it, a little bird in the cage that is too small for it, it is always chirping and happy. Always a spark in its tiny eyes. I wonder how different both of us are: it's happy in this little cage and i am aching when i have everything in my life. I pour some bird-feed in its bowl, it starts eating it the very moment. I smile at its energy,
"Eat up, you little spark" it stares at me for a second and then attacks its food again.
It has been with me for 6 months, i brought it when it was still a baby, and i've been in love with it ever since. It taught me so many things, it taught me patience, it taught me optimism, it was the one who always made me smile when i was sad. Me and Peace share so many secrets. It is my best friend in the whole world.
It starts chirping again.
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I stare outside through the broken window,
"The clouds are out, i need you The thunder shines above my head Will you wait for the rain now? My friend i am falling down, down My friend i can't pour it out, out My friend let me leave this town, town My friend can you hear my shout?" I feel a tear slide down my cheek. Peace has stopped chirping and the rain, too, seems to listen.
"The sun has lost it's way too You have as well, and the tears i shed Don't make it light, will you tell 'em how? 'Cause even if i deny it, the fact i won't be over the love left incomplete I won't run and fall again, be with me Be right there, singing in my heart We're gonna fly away like the wheat"
I hear the loud and furious shout of mom, and then a louder and angrier one of Tal from the kitchen, downstairs. It's another one of their arguments.
"I won't fly and fall again, be with me. My friend i am falling down, down"
I realize the argument didn't start just now. They must have lost their patience. "I've told ya a million times i ain't gonna.." The voices are unclear but i can hear them when they shout.
"You take that... i said shut up!" Tal shouts.
I open the window, the glass creaks as i do, but it manages to slide anyway. The sounds of rain make their voices a little fainter.
"You're gon' regret.." Tal's threatening voice, the only one i ever knew.
I start searching for a song in my playlist. I hear a plate fall on the ground, a loud gasp and as i start to hear more sounds of destruction, i start playing 'the pit of hatred' by 'WeAreManics'. The loud drums and harsh music plays, the type of music that is broken and furious. The music is loud but i can still hear the shouts,
"Get away from..." Mom's voice fades I hear the glass shatter. "You threatening me!? HAH!? You..." mom shouts. Another shatter and this time a scream. "You leave this ..." Tal's brutal voice again.
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I increase the volume of the song so that i can stop hearing the shouts from the kitchen. The man with heavy voice shouts the lyrics,
"Here is to all the demons, shouting at top of their lungs. I don't ask for help, i don't want your help!"
"Get the hell out!!" Tal's shout is followed by a smash.
"I don't ask for hand, i don't want your hand! I am dark as wood, i'm gonna kill you slow"
"SHUT UP!"
"Don't you don't you reach for me in the dark don't you tell me i am alright i live in the valley where we all live i live in the abyss where liars live"
A smash is followed by more shouts, I cover my ear, bury my head in my pillow and let the singer shout at the top of his lungs.
"I live in the abyss where killers live I live in the fire, i am burning you in! Here's to all the liars Lying all lies they can I don't ask for truth, i don't want your truth! I don't..."
"I don't want..." my mother shouts.
"ask for hand, i don't want your hand i am dark as wood, I am gonna kill you slow don't you, don't you.."
"That's shit!.." Tal replies with a louder shout, I dig deeper in my pillow
"Reach for me in dark don't you tell me i am.."
"That's it!....crazy...done with all.." Tal shouts again.
"alright".
I don't remember how it ended, but like everything else, it did.
