The fare in abyss.

Untold regrets.

I go downstairs to find mom on one of the two couches, holding a wet towel in her hand with a few bandages on the dusty wooden table. The glass of the window is broken, a couple of plates shattered on the floor wait for someone to clean them. Silently as i can, i walk up to her and wait for her to speak.

Weakly as she always has since dad's death, she says,
"It was just an accident, everything's alright."

I stare at her bloody arm and the bruise on her forehead, i turn around to take another look at the shattered plates. In front of me, i look out the broken glass window and stare at the dying rain. Was it an accident? Was all this chaos just an accident? I don't believe you mom.

"Why don't you let him go?" i ask already knowing the answer.
"Liz you already know the..."
"No i don't! You never had an answer! You..." i sigh and go quiet.

She wipes the blood off her skin and rolls the bandage around her arm.

We sit there quietly as she does the work, i stare at her arm; the smooth skin has become wrinkled and the pink color has faded. The spark that never left her beautiful eyes in past is nowhere to be seen now. Her hair are white, rough and weak. Her fingers, shaking. She is trying her best to hide the pain but i can see the tears in her eyes, ready to escape any moment.

"I miss your father" she eventually says as the silence gets awkward. I see a tear slide down her bony cheek.
"Me too" I say softly.
"He never warned us, he..he never told me...that he..that he had to go" her voice is shaking so much and tears are continuously running now. I hated to see her cry. I could never see her sad but she made me get used to it.

"He would've, if he could" at this i feel my visions get blurred, "He loved you" and now i am crying too.
My mother wipes her tears. She tries to be a strong for me but i know her broken heart just as well as mine.
"He loved you too. He still does."

I nod, wipe my tears but they keep coming.

"Mom",
she looks at me with those empty eyes, "Can you please let Tal go?"

She stares back at the floor, her hands on the bandage.

"Liz, i love you." And she starts to cry again. Her body shakes and tears fall, she starts sobbing and the void in her eyes gets filled with the same pain, i saw on father's funeral. I sit beside her and hold her in my arms. She kisses my hand and holds me tight.

"I love you too, mom."

She is crying so bad and i can't understand what has happened to her. After a couple of minutes, she brings herself together and speaks,

"He's going to kill me."

"It's a metaphor", i told myself, "she means he is so harsh with her. He won't actually kill her, of course".
A part of me still believes it was a metaphor.

'It's okay, mom. We'll make it through" i hold her tight "you need to let him go. You'll be okay. Just let me turn 18 this July and then i'll take you away. I promise."
The moment i finish the last sentence, her eyes open wide with surprise and something else i can't recognize.

Pain.

She gets up, kisses my cheek and hugs me tight. Then with a hurry, she moves to her room and shuts the door.

I know she is going to cry.
I know she is going to cry this whole night and wake up late in the morning, and tell me she read a book last night. I know she is broken more than me, and i know she doesn't deserve this. I know i need to go and knock at her door and tell her i am still here. That i'll wait for her to come out. I'll wait for her all night. I know i should tell her that i'll hold her, i'll protect her like she used to do back then when i was a child.

I want to tell her that even though life is going crazy right now, we'll make it through. I want to ask her to come out and hug me. I want her to go on a walk with me. I want to make her sit on the same bench with me, and look at the wonders of nature. I want to show her the stars on tonight's sky. I want to hold her, i want her to hold me till everything falls down.
I want her to smile.
I want her to be happy. I want her to get what she always deserves.
I am staring at her door, i wish i could see through it. I wish i could walk up to her and take all her pain away.

I walk out of the house.
Into the street.
To the road i never usually take.
I walk and walk until the streets change.
Until all that's behind me is faded.
I stand there staring at the light of city.

That night i went to bed unknowing of what awaited me.

It was a peaceful sleep.